incoherent thoughts for lonely people

Beauty in Guts

I've never felt so depressed in my life
It's a fullbody illness, they say
My fingers so delicate yet weighed down so much
My ankles chained to the ground
Loss of motivation
My fingers pulled by strings
Every breath simply a waste
Waste of space that's me
Hanahaki disease
Flowers pour out my face
And every crevice in my body
The flowers, they pour and bloom
I begin to decompose
No wish to be alive
Yes a death wish it's true
Tears fall from flower infested eyes
Filled to the brim with flowers
Every root infesting and churning in my body
Vomit slowly pours out but to no avail
I make it come back in
Disgusting pig
That's me
Dirty dirty dirty
Disgusting
Obese and gargantuan
Unclean in spirit and in physicality
Choking on flowers vomit and tears
My blood which was once a boil
Now cools due to the new circumstances
My body stops
Frail yet big
Bony yet fat filled
Knees shaking weakly
And the vomit stops
The flowers and tears stay
But the vomit stops
And the overwhelming fear
That one day a silver necklace will no longer be around my neck
Scares me to death
No longer made of silver
But of rope and dead dreams
The chair I stand on my throne
And the fan my chandelier
I hang from the chandelier while standing on my throne
A smile forever plastered on my face
No more wasteful breathing
Only bliss
I fear one day
My hair will not be up against my head
But instead a click
A one way click to forever, eternal sleep
A one way click with pain yet little repercussion
Pain does not last for long
Sleep is forever
Eternal sleep
Eternal smile
Eternal happiness
No longer a waste
No longer weak and frail
No longer fat and disgusting
No longer unclean
Simply bliss
Happiness
Complete comfort in knowing I have eternal sleep
And I never have to wake up again
Eternal sleep
What a beautiful state yet in complete nothingness