lowercase lament

it always leads back to you

i am nothing

and no one should love nothing

no one should worry over nothing

no one should care

not about nothing

nothing is not worth it

(isn't that a real doozy?)

i once read a story

about a girl in a red

"i'm just a substitute,"

she said

she lived in the end

i didn't like that ending

i didn't agree with it

with how she let go of that knife

i will live

but i will not be alive

for to be alive is to be remembered

and i am too worthless for that

the least i can do

is make you hate me

the least i can do

is drive you away

i remember feeling this

i remember always feeling this

but
now
it's
different

i always feel like this

but it's never this extreme

(not always)

i remember that girl

and i remember wanting to be her

but people would notice

if i do what i wish

they'll notice

and ask me what's wrong

and if i tell them

they'll think that i'm wrong

(they'll try to fix me

i don't want to be fixed)

a dear friend of mine reads this

i'll tell her to stop

she'll say the same things

they all keep saying the same things

one year ago i wrote to myself