lowercase lament

it always leads back to you

you make me hate what i love

that's how much control you have over me

you don't even realise it

what you're doing to me

i've always feared that i'll become you

yet somehow that doesn't stop me from becoming you

fearing the worst doesn't stop the worst from coming

why is it that i fear becoming you

yet love you at once?

your love for me

sickens me

no one should love me that much

not me, never me

loving me will only hurt you

is it horrible that your heartbreak brings me relief?

"good,"

i find myself thinking

"now you understand,

now you'll stay away"

i really hope you'll stay away

i'm not worth it

i leave behind nothing to this world

so why should anyone put in any effort?

"a human being's desire,"

i read

"it's to never be forgotten
forever."

that part makes me blink

the next part makes me never blink

"that is why we write our names

in a foggy mirror."

or on a school desk

or when we think of anything to write

i will be forgotten

i don't affect the world

(if i do,

it won't be due to my kindness)

history won't write my name down

i bring nothing to no one

if i am equal to nothing

then why am i here?

i am the same as nothingness

i am nothingness