Freedom

1: Kay

I had been on edge the entire week. This feeling was not unfamiliar to me, in fact, as a law student, it was pretty normal for the stress and uncertainty of my life to constantly consume my life. However, this was different and I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason. I had barely slept in the past couple of nights, drinking an insane amount of coffee to keep myself functioning, and was now on my way to the only place that I could somewhat classify as my home—Lake Harmony.

I hadn't been back to Lake Harmony to see Alpha Jake and the rest of the pack in almost two years, and even before that my visits never lasted more than a couple of days. I owed my life to Jake, literally. When I was attacked seven years ago, I was left in the cold dark forest to bleed to death. Jake found me, guided me through my transition, taught me the culture and history of werewolves, and adopted me as his little sister. However, I constantly lived in denial of what I had become. I left after two years, attempting to live a normal human life by attending college and now law school.

Jake had been calling me for the last two months, begging me to come back, and spend some time with everyone. I was planning on making up another excuse on why I couldn't come, but when he called me two days ago on Wednesday, I found myself saying I would see him Friday before I could even think about it. I chalked up my response to the recent sleep deprivation and lingering stress from my school finals the day before.

The dark had settled into the sky a couple of hours ago, leaving the unusual brightness of the moon and my car headlights to guide me through the winding roads of northeastern Pennsylvania. It was already almost ten at night and combined with my lack of sleep and anxiousness, I was excited to almost be at my destination.

When I pulled into the long tree-lined driveway and turned the car off, I sat in the driver's seat finishing up my fourth cup of coffee, while settling into the silence. My uneasiness from the last week amplified as I sat there, but I couldn't bring myself to exit the car. I was starting to regret my decision to come and almost thought about driving back to Pittsburgh when the sudden howling of pack members brought me back to reality.

I took a deep breath, opened the car door, and felt the cool nighttime air hit my skin. I forgot how cold it could get at night and realized I should have changed out of my pencil skirt and thin silk blouse before I left the city. Grabbing my heavy backpack full of law books and a small duffel bag from the back seat, I forced myself to walk toward the front door. I stood in front of the tall oak double doors debating on whether to knock or just use my key. I didn't have long to think as the door swung open to reveal a smiling Michael, the Beta, on the other side.

"We missed you kid", Michael said while pulling me into a crushing hug.

"I missed you guys too", I responded truthfully as I dropped my bags and wrapped my arms around his waist. I did truly miss them, but I couldn't force myself to live there when I wanted to live a normal human life.

"Wow you sure have changed in the last two years.", he said while taking in my appearance. Michael was right. In the past two years, I have changed. In contrast to the long dirty blonder hair I had while living in Lake Harmony, it now reached just passed my shoulders and had become almost a brown from the lack of constant sunlight. I had grown out of my awkward teenage body, that had kept my cheeks somewhat fuller, and my body movements uncomfortable. Now my face was thinner, my movements confident, and my entire persona more serious.

Michael, however, hadn't changed a bit since the last time I saw him. His short-cropped brown hair, tall muscular body, and kind face brought me back to when I was sixteen.

"Well, you haven't changed at all old man", I said while smiling at him. Michael was only seven years older than me at twenty-nine, but he was already mated, had two kids, and acted like he was a retired sixty-year-old.

"Ha Ha", he responded dryly. "Why doesn't this old man make you a cup of tea and you tell me what is going on with you? You look exhausted, Kay", he commented. I didn't even want to think about the bags that have formed under my eyes and the tired look my face seems to have adopted.

"Only if it is peppermint", I said as we made our way toward the kitchen. "I am fine, really. I just finished up my final exams and haven't gotten more than a couple of hours of sleep this week."

"Well, you shouldn't have any problems sleeping tonight now that your finals are over. How is school going by the way?", he asked.

"I love it," I said honestly.

I was about to elaborate on my answer when I looked around and noticed that no one was there except Michael and me.

"Where is everyone?", I asked curiously. It seemed unusual for everyone to be out of the packhouse this late at night.

"Oh, they are finishing up a run with a visiting Alpha and some of his pack members", he answered. "I said I would stay back for your arrival and watch the kids. Sarah has been so busy with work and taking care of the kids, I wanted her to let loose a little tonight"

"I am excited to see Sarah and the twins", I said as he set down two cups of tea in front of us.

"Well, they are excited to see you. They have been talking about you coming for the last two days, I had to beg them to go to sleep tonight" he said while smiling at me. His face suddenly changed to a serious one, "We miss you here. Have you ever thought about coming back permanently? I know you wanted to go out and live your life, but it looks like it has taken a toll. When was the last time you shifted?" he asked.

I cast my eyes down and stared into my teacup. The truth is, trying to live a normal life has been hard and I thought many times about coming back, but I could never bring myself to give up on my past ambitions before the incident.

"I miss you all as well, but you know I needed to leave. I always wanted to go to college and live in the city. I couldn't risk losing that, when I already lost so much", I said as I tried to push back down the hard memories.

"But you did leave and try to live the life you wanted. Now it seems like it is destroying you and you know it isn't good for a wolf to be on their own for too long. Also, you are avoiding my question. Kay, it will start to kill you if you keep pushing your wolf away." He said while trying to meet my eyes.

I know he was right. When I first left, I had made a weekly habit to drive a hour outside of the city and go run in the forest. However, my wolf slowly started to take a backseat to my life and I hadn't shifted since early February. I could barely feel her anymore, and I knew it was wrong to purposely ignore my nature, but I couldn't stop fighting for the life I wanted.

I glanced up at him but instantly looked down ashamed.

"Um...early February" I barely choked out while biting the inside of my cheek.

"FEBRUARY?", he yelled, "For Christ sake Kay, it is almost June. No wonder you look terrible!"

"I know, okay. I know it is bad, but honestly, this whole exhaustion thing didn't start until this week" I said.

"Well I am not going to lecture you tonight, but you know Jake will be able to tell as soon as he looks at you. Why don't you head upstairs and take a shower?" he said softly.

"Thanks", I responded, "Is my room still the same?"

"Your room will always be the same" he responded.

I glanced at him one more time before I made my way up the long staircase. Nothing in the house has changed since I have been gone. The feeling of familiarity and comfort start to creep in, but I immediately push those feelings away. I can't get attached while I am here or else I might not be able to go back.

I make it to my old bedroom and push open the heavy door. Everything is exactly how I left it. The soft green walls Jake and I painted when I first moved in, the plush white comforter neatly tucked on the bed, and some of my clothes still folded on the chair in the corner waiting to be put in my closet.

I drop my bags on the floor by my bed and make my way to the bathroom on the right. I need to wash away everything I am feeling and prepare myself for everything that will happen when I go back down there. I keep reminding myself to not grow comfortable here, it was already hard enough to leave the first time and I can't go through that again, especially after I worked so hard to get where I am and build a life for myself.

A/N: 1661 Words