If You Had Stayed (published)

Chapter 3

I nod, knowing Josh was right. Gabby was never going to be a nice person. She doesn't even have respect for herself, so why would she have any respect for others? She probably mistreated others their whole lives. Or maybe she only became a bully when we started high school. In Year Seven, before Josh was even diagnosed with his illness, Gabby had treated us like a nobody from day one, like she could sense we were different and didn't want to be anywhere near us.

Haylie moves in closer to me, whispering in my ear so no one or Josh could hear. "Does Gabby know you have feelings for Josh?"

I shake my head. I couldn't imagine the things she would say if she knew about my crush on Josh. I whisper back, "No, she doesn't know, and I prefer she doesn't. You're the only person who knows."

"Hey, what are you two whispering about?" Josh asks us with a smile. "Am I'm not supposed to know?"

I turn to Josh, returning the smile. "It's just girl stuff. I don't think you would be interested."

"Well, okay. If you say so."

We reach our classroom. No one was inside yet and our classmates showed no interest in going inside, where they stood outside the room and chatted to their friends. I tell Josh to go in and take a seat so I could talk to Haylie without him hearing our conversation. I watch Josh walk into the classroom, taking a seat in the back row beside the window.

Haylie and I stood near the doorway. "I will never tell Gabby or anyone that I have a crush on him. I don't want to know what she will say if she ever finds out."

Haylie pats my shoulder. "I know. I can imagine all the insults Gabby will say if she knew. But don't worry about her finding out. Even if she did, she can't stop you from falling in love with whoever. Are you going to tell Josh eventually that you like him?"

I shrug. "Maybe. I want to."

"Then what's stopping you? You should tell him. I'm sure he will return the same feelings."

"And what if he doesn't?"

"What if he does?"

I look over at Josh. He had his book open, ready for class to start. Butterflies danced around my stomach, and I knew Haylie was right. I should tell him.

"I'm afraid he won't return the feelings," I say, turning back to Haylie. "What if he doesn't like me back and it ruins our friendship?"

"You won't know until you try, Emily." She gives me an assuring smile. "I'm pretty sure he likes you, too."

Haylie enters the classroom first. I stand there for a moment, thinking about what she had said. She was right. Maybe it was time to tell him how I felt, but I didn't know how to. There was still that fear of rejection that he may not feel what I feel. And once I get what I feel out there, would our friendship be the same even if he didn't share the same feelings?

* * *

During lunch I headed up to the music room while Hailey went to talk to a teacher about an assignment. Josh had decided he wanted to spend his lunch in the music room. Mrs Hartley often allows him up here during lunch, giving him a place to escape for the forty minutes of our lunch break.

I hear the guitar playing as I approach the room, where the door was opened. Josh sat on a table, his feet resting on a chair, as he strums a few chords on the instrument. I sit with him.

"That sounds good, Josh," I say.

He stops playing and looks up at me with a smile. "Thanks. It's this new song I have been working on."

"Oh cool. Can you play it for me?"

Josh bites his lip. "Uh, it's not quite ready."

"That's okay. I don't mind listening to what you have got so far."