I'm done. I'm sorry, but I'm done.
I'm done being the only one trying to save a friendship.
Yesterday, I sent Lea this:
"And if I'm honest, I don't even know what to do, or of there's anything I CAN do. I don't wanna lose you guys, but it feels like I already have, and I hate that. What happened to meeting at a random starbucks and causing chaos? What happened to US? What, we're letting some arguments over fictional characters and miscommunications tear us apart? I don't want that. I've never had long friendships growing up. I always left. And I've been friends with you guys since freshman year, and... I don't want to lose you. Any of you. I really don't. And thinking that that's what's happening now... It breaks my heart. I'm crying and shaking so much, I'm grateful for autocorrect. It's stupid I feel such a big connection to people I haven't met face to face, but that's how it is. Friendship is stupid, if you think about it. But I want to keep ours. I'd honestly do anything, just say the word, I just don't want to lose you, Lea. Please."
And that's all true. My mind went blank and I just... typed, I guess. Looking at it again, I can kinda see it as a guilt trip, and I apologise for that, like I said, I just typed and sent it.
I don't like being vulnerable. My job is to help people who are vulnerable, and my actual emotions get in the way of that.
I'm not angry anymore, I'm just sad. Foster kids don't have long-lasting friendships, which is why I was so happy to have online friends. It didn't matter where I moved, as long as I had a phone, or a computer, they'd be there.
And now it feels like I'm saying goodbye. And it feels like it's my fault.
I'm leaving Wattpad. By that, I mean uninstalling the app, my profile and stuff will still be here, but I'm not going to be active.
I don't know how long I'll be inactive, or if I'll come back on another account, all of that is up in the air.
I'm sorry. I love all of you, I just need some time to breathe and to cope.
If you were here since my PJO/HoO phase, I'm sorry you had to see my half-ass fanfics 😂
If you need me, my discord is valen#4316.
But again, I love all of you, and thank you for staying with me this long.
Love,
Valen 💙
