1.1 • 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤 // lana del rey

𝐬 𝐢 𝐱 : 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎

The models had arrived, and suddenly my only source of conversation had been swept away from me and into the arms of beautiful women wearing barely anything.

Tony was sitting with his legs wide apart, one model perched uneasily on each knee, and Josh and Tyler were unsuccessfully trying to chat up another pair.

But I couldn't see Lana anywhere.

I headed inside and found her sitting quietly at the desk in the hall, writing something while her shoulders were wrapped in a towel.

"Lana?" I asked quietly, taking her book out of my purse. "Here."

She took it and looked up at me with glassy eyes.

"Thank you," she said softly.

I frowned and settled myself on the desk, trying to block out the music coming from outside.

"What's wrong?"

She shook her head and blinked rapidly. I watched, stunned, as crystal tears fell and rolled down her cheeks and she wiped them away hastily as her chest rose and fell.

"It's just - seeing Tony with those girls --" she gestured numbly down the corridor. "Makes me feel like he doesn't...doesn't love me anymore."

"Oh, Lana..." I whispered, getting to her feet and pulling her with me so that I could hug her more easily. "You know that's not true."

She leant against me and stroked my hair with a shuddering sigh.

"I know, I just --" her voice cracked painfully. "I just doubt him. I wonder if he only loves me for what I look like, not what I am."

She's right. Of course she is. My uncle is lying, attention-seeking, power-hungry and rude. But I can't tell her that.

"It's gonna be okay, Lana," I whisper firmly. "Okay?"

She nods, bends down and kisses my hair.

So close.

"Thanks, Gabby," she murmurs. She shrugs off her towel. "Come on. Let's go and get some drinks. I want to get blackout drunk."

*****

Two hours later, and the whole party is wandering around clutching cocktails and making out with anyone and everyone.

Except me and Lana.

We're sitting on the roof of Tony's house with a crate of beers, almost drifting off to sleep. I've never been this drunk in my life, and it feels amazing and disgusting at the same time.

Lana's head falls onto my shoulder and I realise she's finally asleep. I don't want to leave her, but I can't stay. My parents will be wondering where I am.

I rest her head against the empty crate and, after a moment's thought, pressed a kiss to her forehead and then crept downstairs.

To my surprise, most of the guests had recovered from their intensely drunk spell and the music was back, louder than ever.

I walked swiftly around the side of the house, wanting to leave as fast as possible, but I found Tyler leaning against the outside wall, smoking quietly.

"Tyler?"

He turned to me and stamped out his cigarette. I tried to edge past him but he stuck out one arm and blocked me, locking his eyes with mine.

I leant forward and sniffed. Liquor, undoubtedly.

"Tyler, you're drunk," I told him decidedly. "Let me out of this dumb party."

"I'm drunk?" He repeated incredulously. "Sweetheart, I'm famously never drunk. You, on the other hand --" he pulled out his phone and I flinched at the bright light.

"Yeah, whatever," I sneered, beginning to lose confidence. "What do you want?"

"Sweetheart, you're driving me crazy," Tyler managed breathlessly, before crashing his lips mercilessly onto mine.

I couldn't react in any other way than to wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him closer as his hands gripped my waist. I stumbled backwards from the overwhelming force of the kiss, which was aggressive but surprisingly soft for a guy so rough around the edges.

"Tyler, I don't know what to --"

"Don't say anything," he urged me, breathing heavily and pressing his forehead against mine. "Why don't we head back to mine, and --"

"Woah!" I hissed, taking a step back and looking around wildly. "What about Lana? The bet?"

Tyler rolled his eyes, grabbing fistfuls of my hair. "Fuck that," he groaned. "Come on, Gabby."

"No!" I said. "I don't think I should, Tyler. Let's just...forget about this. Okay? I'm going home."

I stormed away from him with tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt like I'd almost cheated Lana. In a way, I had - making out with her best friend wasn't what I'd expected.

Honestly, if anything, I'd expected to be making out with Lana tonight.

Fireworks erupted overhead from a house a few doors down, and somehow they seemed inappropriate right now.

If Lana found out, I couldn't imagine what she'd say. I can't act any more awkward around her than I already do.

Then there was the small matter that I'd never kissed a guy before. My first kiss was a girl. My next few kisses had been girls. All the signs pointed to me being gay. But I couldn't deny the fact that I'd really, really, really enjoyed making out with Tyler.

Ugh. And I'd just hugged Lana, let her kiss my hair and made her trust me even more and then...

And then this had happened.

I stared at my feet the whole time as my parents yelled about discipline and being late. Then I raced upstairs as fast as I could  and curled up on my bed, staring out of the window and watching as fireworks exploded in the sky above.

The national anthem played at what felt like a hundred miles away, and I closed my window with a click, feeling more miserable than I could ever remember feeling for a long time.

A/N so glad y'all are enjoying this book! if you're interested, i make lana edits on instagram @x.lana.edits.x & i usually do fff & lfl :)