Bakugo Oneshots

Panic Attack

Me using Katsuki to describe/explain my panic/anxiety attacks 😀

Warnings: Kinda major(?) panic attack, bad mental state(?), self esteem problems

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    Bakugo POV

My group and I were planning on going to someone's birthday party this weekend. I didn't know them too well but the others did and they wanted me to come. It would last all night and you better believe I was outwardly stoked and thrilled to go. I was looking forward to going out with my friends and just have fun.

But inwardly, I was panicking about everything. What do I wear? What if I wear the wrong thing and people stare and judge me? What if I overdress and I'm out of place? What kind of nice loose clothing do I have?

I can't make myself wear tight or even snug clothing. I'm too fat for that. I can't let people see my figure. It's fucking disgusting. Once I get home I need to find loose clothing that fits the dress code.

What if I have a panic attack while I'm there cause of all the people? What if people see me and find out that I'm actually weak and broken? I'm supposed to be the strong friend who isn't afraid to do anything, the one who is always a risk taker and has no actual life problems.

How am I supposed to be that friend when I'm always in a constant battle with my mind? How am I supposed to be that friend who supports everyone when I can't even support myself?

Why do I have to act like this? Why can't I be fucking normal for once? Why do I have to be such a god damn nuisance!

Why did I agree to go out with my friends? They'd have more fun without me. I should just not go.

"Hey Bakugo, you're gonna come to the party with all of us, right?" Kirishima asked nudging my shoulder. I flinched back a bit, not wanting to be touched.

"Oh uh, yeah. Of course I'm fucking going. I just need to find the right clothes." I responded, trying to regain the confidence that I had lost in the beginning of my sentence.

"Oh, okay! I can help you out if you want?" Kirishima said, I just nodded as he was already turning his head back to everyone else.

He doesn't want to actually talk to me. He's just taking pity on me. They don't actually care about me. They just feel bad about how lonely I would be if I didn't have them. None of my friends really care for me. They wouldn't care if I just randomly disappeared or died, right?

No! I can't think like that! They would care, right?

I can't do that. I just can't. I want to, but then even when I'm at peace, they'll be left behind to grieve. Would they even grieve if I left them?

My family would be devastated. Sure, they've never noticed how much I'm actually in pain and want to end it all, but they're still my parents. They love and take care about me.

What if they don't actually love me? What if they're only taking care of me cause I'm their son? What if they never actually wanted me? What if they all actually hate me?

So many 'what if's' that might not even be true, but my mind keeps running and I have no way of stopping it. It continues throughout the rest of the school day, my mind is hazy and I don't even remember any of the conversations I had.

I was trapped in my mind with no visible escape route. I mindlessly walked home, thinking of all the negative outcomes that could happen from going out in public to that party.

Why I agreed, I don't know anymore. If I were to back out I would be endlessly questioned, and I don't think I could handle that. I got home and I didn't realize that I had already walked into my house until I was greeted by the old hag.