The Promposal (COMPLETE)

12- Find My Friends

Camila's POV.

Pre-prom checklist. 

1. Buy my dress- I got this bullet point done fairly early. As long ago as February I was already looking at dresses. Finally, I found the perfect one. And although it was a hundred and something dollars, I had been able to convince my parents it was worth it. 

2. Be promposed to- I will admit, Justin's poster showed little craftsmanship, but I could tell he put a lot of time into it. And when he finally asked me to prom a few weeks ago, I was pleasantly surprised. He had thought of a cute pun, bought flowers, and even had a camera crew to record the surprise. I was disappointed that Edith hadn't been there to see it, but at least Alice was. 

3. Corsage- Although the guy is technically supposed to buy the corsage, I wanted to make sure that Justin didn't make any mistakes. I sent him photos of which colors worked best with my dress, and asked him to order. But, I still need to double check if he actually got one.

Speaking of which, I really should ask Justin about the corsage today. He usually comes by on Wednesdays so we can go to national honor society meetings together. But for some reason he seems to be late today.

I text him 'where are you?' after a few minutes of waiting. He doesn't respond, which is strange, considering he usually has his phone on during lunch. But I don't make too much of it, and decide to see if he's at the meeting already. 

Walking into the classroom, it becomes clear that Justin hasn't just forgotten about me. He forgot about the club meeting altogether. That's odd, usually I'm the forgetful one. 

Since I'm worried about Justin, and know he'll probably regret missing the meeting, I login to find my friends. It's something we set up recently along with a few other people, in order to make sure we're safe and give a more accurate ETA when driving places. But in this case, I'm starting to wonder if Justin is even at school anymore.

On the app, it gives a vague idea of your location. Doesn't really help to pinpoint exactly, but from where it shows Justin right now, he's definitely not in the usual area where his friends hang out. But just in case, I go to them first. 

"Nolan," I call out to get his attention while I walk by. His group of friends are sitting on a patch of grass, all talking about something I can discern. 

He turns and seems confused. "Have you seen Justin?" I ask. 

"He was here at brunch, I thought he had NHS," he responds. I catch Jonah watching our conversation, seemingly concerned as well. 

"Oh, well thanks anyway," I say as I leave. When I'm almost out of earshot, I hear Jonah start talking. Although I can't make out his words exactly, a part of me considers that he might be saying something about Justin. I wonder if I should've asked him instead of Nolan, but figure he probably wouldn't have said anything to me.

I follow the location of Justin on my phone until I'm within range. At this point, I'm just curious about where he is, especially since he seems to be in a classroom somewhere. If he had something else to work on, couldn't he have just told me?

I see one classroom with the door slightly cracked open, and figure that's a good place to start. But when I see what's inside, my heart drops. 

Justin is leaned against the opposite wall, shirt off, making out with someone I have never seen in my life. The other person, actually, is also a guy. And since I know most of the people in my grade, I suspect him to be a senior.

I don't know how to react, and definitely do not want to continue to watch my boyfriend cheat on me, so I turn on the light switch next to me. Immediately, I see him turn toward me, and pale with embarrassment. 

"Camila.." he starts, but I'm having none of it. 

"Don't try to apologize," I respond, sounding confident. But in reality, I feel myself shaking a little. My anger is mixed with surprise and betrayal. The other guy seems to realize what's happening, and then backs up a little to give us space.

"Camila, I'm gay," he says quietly. "I wanted to tell you, but you were so excited about prom. I didn't want to ruin that for you." It seems difficult for him to admit, and even more difficult for me to hear. I take a few shaky breaths, trying to make sense of what he's saying.

He's gay. Does this mean our entire relationship has been a lie? An elaborate plan for him to stay in the closet? Or maybe some kind of messed up experiment? I loved Justin, and not only was he breaking my heart, but he was admitting he had never loved me at all. At least if he was bi, I could rationalize it. He had a change of heart, and wanted to give me my dream prom before dumping me. But no.

"You could've done this respectfully. But you cheated on me," I remind him coldly, and feel no guilt when I see the remorse in his reaction. He led me on, for six months, when he wasn't even into girls.

"I know, and I'm sorry-" he answers. But I've had enough of him, so I ignore him and leave the classroom, slamming the door behind me. As I storm past the hallways in a rage, people watch curiously, but nobody approaches me. They're probably scared of being the one to blow up the grenade that is my emotional state right now.

I need to clear my head. I need to talk to someone I can trust. A few names come to mind; Alice, Edith, Ananya, Noa, or Kiara. I could even talk to Justin's friends at this point. I make my way around school, searching for one of them. But nobody seems to be available. I spot Edith furiously working on a late homework assignment in the library. Alice seems to have gone to get lunch off campus with a few of my other friends. And Justin's friends are all gathered playing some video game.  

Out of options and still very upset, I decide to go home. My last class is an elective, and I have fairly perfect attendance up to this point, so it won't be that big of a deal to ditch. Plus, I am certain that I will not be able to function in this condition. 

I head to the student parking lot and rush over to get some time alone. Immediately upon entering my car, I break out in a sob I didn't know I'd been holding in. I think back on my first date with Justin, our first kiss, and the days we'd spend facetiming for hours on end. He always made me feel so at home, comforting me through my darkest moments, even before we started dating. And this sudden heartbreak he caused has completely demolished that for me. 

Once I can see clearly through my eyes again, I start the car engine and begin the routine drive home. Throughout the drive, I wonder what I did wrong. 'It's not my fault' I tell myself 'he's not straight.' But those efforts are barely effective, because I ultimately end up in a spiral of self hate. 

I'm a terrible person. He felt pressured to go to prom with me because I wouldn't shut up about it. I'm so annoying. Of course he'd keep lying to me.

Ever since middle school, when I'd fallen during a big pep rally cheer performance and became a 'meme,' there's been a small part of me that hated myself. No matter what anybody else told me, no matter how many friends I had, I didn't believe them. There were always more people out there, masked faces on the internet, to tell me how stupid I was. 

When I started dating Justin, I found someone who liked me when I wasn't trying. I didn't have to be dramatic or charming for him to stay with me. Suddenly, there was a person I actually believed, telling me that it was going to be okay. 

But I won't give all that credit to Justin. Junior year in general has been great for me. Yet still, I feel an emptiness without him. 

As if, for the first time in awhile, it might not be okay.