a series of crackhead events // DR Crackfic, Potato Farm AU

The WcDonalds Crisis

Kokichi and Shuichi arrived at WcDonalds. When they saw who was behind the counter, they nearly screamed.

"Oh my god Shuichi, it's Miami!"

"I think his name is Missouri."

"Oh."

They walked up to Rantaro.

"Hello Mississippi! Can we get two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda?" Kokichi asked.

Rantaro exhaled heavily. "Okay, but you'll have to pay. This WcDonalds is going to shut down any moment now because you're the only customers that we've ever had since 1987 and you never pay for your food."

Kokichi sighed and fished out his credit card. "You're unbelievable. Why do you even work at WcDonalds? You're loaded."

Rantaro was about to use his WcDonald cap to smack the gremlin until he cried and begged for mercy when a loud 'BANG' accompanied with a "KYAAA!" resonated throughout the WcKitchen.

"Was that the bite of '87?!" Shuichi yelped. Rantaro nearly threw up at the horrible Markiplier reference.

"Kiibo," Rantaro groaned, "what are you doing?"

Kiibo waddled out of the kitchen with thirteen WcNuggets welded to his arms. "I don't know! I was going to get the nuggets out of the freezer when my robot powers activated and now they're stuck to me!"

Rantaro couldn't take it anymore. He threw down his cap. 'What? What is going on? Kiibo never talks like this. I don't talk like this. But I can't control myself. What is happening???'

Kokichi laughed so hard his lungs flew out and Shuichi had to force them back in via. shoving them up his ass. "KIIBOY'S SO PATHETIC!! LMAOOO!" he screeched like Ibuki.

Rantaro was getting more and more distressed. 'Did Kokichi just say 'lmao'? How did he say that without sounding like a constipated vocaloid singer?!'

Rantaro shook his head. Whatever. Just go through with the order. Kokichi was paying for once, today must be a special day.

Soon, Kokichi and Shuichi got their orders and ate inside the establishment. Rantaro and Kiibo decided to close down the WcDonalds early, despite the fact it was a 40 hour WcDonalds.

The avocado and the robot sat down on the opposite side of Shuichi and Kokichi's table. It was silent for a moment until Shuichi suddenly said, "I'm going to open a potato farm."

Rantaro, who was sipping on some coke, spewed it all out from his mouth like a broken ice-cream machine finally working after twenty years. Luckily, the coke hit no one because it would be very inconvenient if any character got wet at the moment.

"What? Why would you do that?" Rantaro wheezed out, choking a little.

Kiibo clapped his hands together. The WcNuggets attatched to his arms jiggled. "That's a great idea, Saihara! It'll definitely benefit us and the stock market!"

Rantaro continued his wheezing, "Kiibo, don't agree with them. And why the stock market?!"

Shuichi was about to answer, when a portal appeared in the middle of the WcDonalds room.

"Oh shit, what the fuck?" Kokichi screamed, his voice higher and louder than a floorboard being stepped on at 3 AM.

A portal stepped out of the figure. It was... It was...

"Stonks man?! Is that you?" Shuichi fanboyed. Rantaro's eyes nearly popped out of it's sockets. Kiibo silently clapped his hands, the WcNuggets still jiggling.

"Yes, it is I, stonks man." Stonks man proclaimed. Shuichi squealed. "Oh my god, can I get your autograph? I'm a huge fan of yours-"

Stonks man grabbed a nearby sharpie, wrote 'stonks 📈' on a napkin and gave it to Shuichi. The detective was practically glowing in excitement.

Stonks man coughed loudly and clapped his hands twice to silence everyone. "I have heard that you wanted to start a potato farm," he said, straightening his suit. "I will assist you in your journeys. Togami, your biggest rival, now controls the potato market."

Three loud gasps came from the three idiots in the room. The only self-aware character that couldn't believe anything he was hearing or seeing did nothing.

"Togami?! No wonder the prices increased by 0.99 cents! That despicable redditor! I'll crush him and his potato empire!" Shuichi promised, standing up from his seat to prove his point. Stonks man nodded in approval.

"I knew you had potential," Stonks man said. "I shall aid you in your quest. When the sun rises over the horizon, purchase a farm large enough to grow thousands of potatoes. Every harvest, I will automatically pick the potatoes for you overnight and multiply the amount by two. Your potato business will flourish with my help."

Shuichi couldn't believe his ears. Rantaro couldn't either, but for a completely different reason.

"Is there a catch? There has to be a catch," Kokichi assumed, expecting some sort of huge 'the law of equivalent exchange' speech.

Stonks man nodded. "All I demand of you is to plant some sweet potatoes. God I love sweet potatoes."

Shuichi enthusiastically nodded. "Of course we can plant sweet potatoes! They're also a kind of potato! We can sacrifice barn animals shaped like sweet potatoes for you if you want as well!"

For the record, sweet potatoes are not potatoes. And don't sacrifice barn animals shaped like sweet potatoes.

Stonks man shook Shuichi's hand in agreement. "We have a deal. Then, I shall now take my leave. Farewell, Shuichi Saihara of Danganronpa."

Shuichi frowned. "Huh? What's Dingle Dongpa?"

"Nothing," Stonks man quickly reassured, before bending time and reality to disappear back into the void.

When the four of them went home to sleep, Rantaro couldn't help but wonder what was going to happen after this.

'For the better or for the worse, my life is going to change after this.'

Unfortunately for Mississippi, his life will only head downwards in a never-ending spiral of potato-induced misery.