Love, Flaw-less.

Chapter 1: eye-to-eye

A/N:

Twenty-two-year-old Ciara Louise has lived her whole life being ashamed of the way that she looked. As time passed, she grew more and more self-conscious, and even as an adult, she continues to suffer from low self-esteem. Because of her critical mother, she grew up with a mindset that she would never be good enough. All of this changed when she met Carter--someone who for the first time in her life, saw her, all of her. When she was around him, she felt sexy, alive, wanted, needed, and desired. But as she soon comes to find out...things don't always work out the way we want them to. This story is about love, but not the kind that you expect.

My sole existence
Is a statement.
I am living proof
That
Even big girls
Can fly

"Big girl can't do this
Big girl can't do that
Big girl needs to lose weight
Big girl too fat"

Dear Big girl
Break that stereotype
Spread your wings
Rub your thighs
And fly

Take over the world
And make us other big girls proud

**//**

Ciara

For as long as I can remember, I've dreamt of this day. While little girls my age would talk about their dream wedding, their perfect dress, what kind of flowers they'd want at their venue--their f*cking prince charming--I talked about the day I'd graduate and finally become an adult. And as I stand here, on the wooden stage, drowning out the ecstatic crowd of family and friends cheering for us...I can't imagine feeling any more complete. I promised myself I wouldn't cry...but god was it an empty promise because the moment I wrap my palm around the blank piece of paper, a wave of tears coursing their way down my flushed face. Congratulations to the undergraduate class of 2018!

I search the crowd for my father and am surprised to see him standing on his feet and yelling in pure glee and excitement a few rows up from the stage. I have never seen him look so happy, so proud. He isn't a man of many words, but I know he loves me...and above all else he supports me. Which is more than I can say for my superficial mother. She had called me a few days back, warning me that she wouldn't be attending my graduation because she had to fly to Italy to get some but implants done. She claimed that her surgeon isn't available on any other day, which is why she couldn't change the dates around. She finished the conversation with a half-ass apology before stating that "I was at your high school graduation. It's the same thing isn't it?". But I'm not going to let her ruin this day for me.

I wave wildly at dad, with a bright smile plastered on my elated face. He mouths, "I love you," to me, which melts my heart. I've never loved a man more than I've loved my father. I grew up with very low self-esteem because of my overly critical mother who took any chance she got to bring me down about my appearance, particularly my weight. My father, however, always makes sure to let me know how beautiful I am...and albeit I didn't believe him, I appreciate him saying it regardless.

I suddenly feel the skinny arms of my jovial best friend--Amber--wrap around my large chest.

"I'm so fucking happy," she yells close to my ears, over the loud commotion.

I wrap my arms around her petite frame before nodding frantically.

"This is the best day of my life, Am," I yell  back ardently

We both begin to giggle, like two teenage girls as we soak in the wonderful moment.

Everything feels so perfect. I wish this moment would never end.

**//**

Six months later

"Noble Back real estate agency, this is Ciara Louise speaking, how may I assist you today?" I speak cheerfully into the phone.

"Hi, my husband and I just moved to Manhattan a couple of weeks ago and we're looking to buy a house. I hear this is the best real estate agency in the city," the woman responds optimistically

"Alrighty. Can I get your first and last name please and I'll have you booked with our next available agent in no time!" I explain.

"Sure thing. First name is Joyce, last name Hamilton," she complies.

"Awesome, Joyce. We'll get back to you in the next two to three days," I confirm.

"Great! Can't wait," she replies.

"Alright, bye-bye now," I say as I reach to end the call.

I hang up before letting out a loud sigh of exasperation.

Six months ago today, was the best day of my life. I graduated with a major in Psychology and a minor in international studies. What I failed to realize then, however, is that getting a job is way harder than everyone makes it seem. I always wanted to be a psychologist, as it's been an interest of mine for nearly ten years now. I'm intrigued by issues concerning mental health, sexual assault, and child abuse, which is why my goal was to work as a child clinical psychologist. But two months into searching for a job, I realised that I was running out of time and options. I was desperate for a job at that point, and so I settled for the next best thing--a receptionist position here at the Noble Back real estate agency. And don't get me wrong, it's excellent pay...but it's just not my passion.

But you gotta do what you gotta do to survive. And I had to learn that the hard way.

Working here isn't all that bad, though. The benefits are great, it's at the heart of the city, which happens to be pretty close to my studio apartment, and my employers are pretty easy to be around.

Since I moved to manhattan, I've become even more insecure. I'm constantly surrounded by these beautiful women and reminded how I'll never be even close to their level. And despite the romantic stigma associated with the city, my love life has never been so non-existent. Not that I've ever really had much of a love life to begin with. For some reason, I thought moving somewhere new would make my chances at love better. That I'd meet someone who'd finally be interested in me. Who'd like me despite all my flaws. Clearly, I was wrong. Nothing's changed. And I doubt it ever will.

I try to focus my energy on my work right now and hope that eventually, I will meet the love of my life. I must admit, I don't particularly believe in soulmates or love at first sight, but I pray that one day I'll get to experience even a fraction of the love I read about or see in those cliche romcoms.

**//**

It's about 3 pm, I'm sat behind my desk as usual, and I just got off of the phone with a potential client when suddenly, the elevator doors to my right snap open, and a group of men and women step out. Five of them to be exact, which I recognized as the big guns, CEOs and such of the company. Mr.Jones, CEO of the company, Mrs Jones his wife, who was his close advisor, Mr.Smith an investor and partner of the company, Mr.Smith's advisor Mrs.Link, and...a man who I had never seen before. But when I look closely, his features seem to gravely resemble Mr.Jones'.

"Good evening, Mr and Mrs.Jones," I greet amiably.

He faintly nods my way, but none of the others pay me no mind. As they're walking past my desk, I find myself locking eyes with whom I assume to be the next heir of the company. He's standing at a generous 6'2 at least and has stern broad shoulders hid snugly under a tight fitted grey suit. Just like his father, he has auburn brown curly hair, that I itch to run my hands through. He carries this radiant aura of dominance, authority, although he looks no older than twenty-five. He gives me a small smile as he walks by, which makes my heart drop to the deepest depths of my stomach. I quickly look down at my desk, hoping he didn't catch the flustered look on my face. A man has never looked at me like that before, and even less smiled at me in such a kind inviting way. But I must remind myself that he was simply being friendly, nothing more.

So I regain my composure, crossing one rotund leg over the other, as I continue to do my work.

**//**