I Built A Friend (Shigadabi)

I'm Sorry, I Love You

TW: suicide

Tenko's p.o.v

   It had only gone downhill since that day. It wasn't long before I came spiraling back into a pit of depression that seemed to plague my every thought. It was getting harder and harder to wake up in the morning to go to work, harder to smile and pretend things were okay, and the longer I went without talking to Touya. He was back at college, announcing his engagement with Akari only a few days later, she said yes. Of course she said yes, anybody would say yes to him. I hadn't talked to him since that day, too depressed to keep in touch with him. He didn't try reaching out either, probably too busy for me anymore. I hadn't gone to work in a few days, I knew I'd get fired soon but I didn't care. I woke up at noon, getting up tiredly and walking to the living room. All I did anymore was sat around, nothing happening except my mind running a mile a minute. The world seemed to be rushing around me and all I could do was stand still in wait. I decided to take a shower, something I hadn't done in a few days, to freshen up a bit. Turning the handles to a good temperature, the water came rushing out of the shower head, steam fogging up the edges of the mirror already. I pulled off my clothes and throwing them in the overflowing laundry basket. I dig through it finding clothes I wanted to wear and placed them on the counter in a pile. I grabbed a towel from the cabinet and flung it over the shower curtain rail, pulling back the curtain and getting in. The steamy water hit my back and wet my hair instantly and I almost melted. I grabbed the shampoo bottle, squirting it straight into my hair and lathering the soap with my fingers. I stood under the water for a moment letting my mind wander into the unknown. I don't know how long I was standing there but my thoughts were shaken when shampoo got into my eyes. I quickly ran water over my eyes and rinsed the shampoo from my hair, scrubbing conditioner into my hair as well. I soaped you my body and rinsed the soap suds off just as quickly, satisfied with my shower.

   I turned off the shower water and grabbed my towel, wrapping it around me, the water dripping down my hair. I pulled on my clothes, wrapping my hair in a towel and stared in the mirror. This was who I've become. I've become this monster, a manifestation of my own sadness and hurt. I can't even go on anymore, I'm a mess. Opening the medicine cabinet, I pulled out the bottle of Advil that had helped my headaches and sleepless nights. I stared at it in my hand for a moment, untwisting the cap slowly. I started shaking, eyes watering at the thought of what I could do. I thought this is it. I can be free. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a cup, filling it with vodka, a bottle I'd had for a while in the back of the freezer but never drank from. Holding the bottle up to my mouth, I downed every pill that was left in the container until it was empty. It was a 200 count bottle, enough to land me in the hospital at best and kill me at worst. But the worst option didn't seem so bad. I started chugging the cup of vodka I had poured, finishing it off with a sigh. This was it. I was finally letting go. I would finally be happy. This was it. I started stumbling, the instant sickness hitting me like a truck and making me want to puke. Holding it down, I grabbed a piece of paper, writing until my mind became too fuzzy and my body began to heat up and curl in on itself. I started shaking more violently now, my lungs begging for air to come back. My vision was getting blurrier and I started seeing double making my writing so bad I decided to stop. My body wanted to let go and finally die out but my brain kept pushing me to fight it back and keep pushing. I crawled to my room, the note tightly clutched in my hand and laid on the floor. My mouth started foaming a bit, my body collie fly shaking and neck turning to the side, I felt myself go limp. This was it. I'm done. I'm letting myself go.

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Touya: surprise! I'm headed home for a few days to visit! I'm on my way now!

Touya: I'll be over in about an hour and maybe we can grab a bite to eat? I miss you! College has been a challenge but it's worth it!

Touya: Almost there!