Life and Death-1

Crashing of the Heart

You'll enjoy this update.

"You think she'll recover full function of her knee?" Alex asks Callie as we operate.

"I hope so, cause if she doesn't get back on the pom-pom brigade, her life is totally over." Callie mocks Tricia. "Man you'd think the way they treat her, she'd be ready to ditch the whole thing, but no."

"Of course she's not gonna walk away from that. It's her life. It's her identity. It's the only way she understands herself in the world."

"Mm-hm." Callie mumbles. "I heard one of the sweet young things told Mark he looked like her dad today." Callie teases and I can feel Mark looking up at me.

"Harsh."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well you just seem really empathetic to her plight, you know? Loss of identity, shattered self-image."

"No, I think that has to do more with I called him daddy."

"Ehh why would you do that?" Callie and Alex ask.

"Because it makes him have that face of disgust. It's enjoyable and I know it makes him uncomfortable."

"And you two aren't doing it."

"I wish." Mark replies at the same I say no.

"You seem pretty happy about what happened to her." Alex states to Callie changing to the subject.

"No..."

"She's just happy cause Stevens and O'Malley hit the skids." I glare at Mark.

"I told you that in confidence."

"You were drunk there was no confidence." I fire back and Callie keeps looking at us.

"I also listened to you when you said I'm hot."

"Shut it."

"Damn you two are fighting like a married couple." I glare at Alex.

"Dude, I would watch it. Her bite is worse than her bark." Mark winks at me and I shake my head. If it would break the sterile field I would so throw something at him.

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"You know if I saw you in high school I would have asked you out in a heartbeat." Mark comes up to me as I try to leave the hospital.

"Stop."

"I mean it. I would have swept you off your feet with my dance skills. You would have fallen right in love with me."

"When you forced yourself to eat my horrible attempt at making you authentic French Food. You ate the whole meal and said it was the best you've ever tasted."

"Then I threw it up later and you were so upset with yourself."

"You told me I don't have to be a good cook because you'll be that for us." I turn and look at him. "You were perfect for me in every way and yet...the thing that is keeping me from jumping into your arms right now is what made you imperfect."

"I'm trying my best to be the man you deserve. What more do you want?"

"I want this not to hurt!" I yell at him losing control. "I want loving you to be something that doesn't break me. You want to know what I want that's it. I want to love you without hurting myself."

"You're never going to forgive me for what I've done."

"I don't know if I can. Mark, I appreciate that you're trying to be the man I loved but...it can't erase what happened between us. I want it to but...I can't have this place I've made my home turn to shit because we don't work out. I have to love coming to work and love my life."