Memoir of a Land-Locked Lover

2 - Changing Course

I awoke the next morning in front of the fireplace that was now reduced to ashes. The cottage whined in greeting, and a dull wind carried through the empty room.

I could feel that I was alone before I confirmed it. Léa was gone. Not in the house, nor on shore. Shock only beginning to set in, I packed my bags full as my heart ran on empty.

It occurred to me as I travelled back that Léa might be found at the hospital, but as I soon learned, Léa had rescinded her application to work there the day she vanished.

Bitter as it made me, it wasn't enough to overwhelm my sadness —I cried many nights, and came to work sleepless and tormented. I closed off to my colleagues, and simply went through the motions required to earn a living. A world without Léa was dull, and London's fogged, grey skies only reinforced my feelings on the matter.

A year went by before I came out of my shell. A kind gentlemen named Edgar at a pub managed to get a smile out of me by being the most ridiculously funny bafoon I have ever met, one thing led to another, and we were married the following year. Edgar's happiness was infectious, and I slowly shed the pain of losing Léa through learning to love him. We had two children, and my heart swelled to encompass them, too. Our family became enough for me to finally move on. I became engrossed with my husband, my kids, and my job with a vigor. The kind that trumps sadness in all regards. Until, the happiness became too good to be true.

Edgar was laid off from his job at the bank, leaving my job as the sole income for our family. We had never fought much, but now that he had nothing to do, Edgar found ways to complain about everything, and his new drinking habit rendered him more violent than I thought possible. But, we stayed together for the kids, and so, another year went by...

I slammed the door to our flat as I walked out, leaving Edgar and his yelling inside. The brisk night air was speckled with rain, and droplets streaked down my face as my tears joined them. I found my way to the River Thames —as was my habit— so I could watch the city lights and weep in the solace of uncaring strangers.

"Is this how you respond to bad weather now?" a woman's voice chided. " London must have really taken a toll on you."

I looked away from the city blurred by my tears, and wiped my eyes to see...

No. It's not possible...

"Léa?"

Once ghostly-pale skin now glowed with a deep tan. The dark locks I knew were braided down her back, and she wore a navy man's suit with trousers. Her overcoat, which she had taken off, was navy as well, and she slid it around my shoulders as though she had never left.

"That's Captain Léa to you," she smirked. "How are you, darling?"

"You vanished."

She was acting as if this was all so normal! As if she hadn't abandoned me after all those years! My jaw clenched, holding in emotions that I had fought so hard to forget.

"I did," she said. "I took your words to heart that night, and joined a deck crew that set sail the following morning."

"But you left!" I roared, grabbing her shoulders like I had been grabbed so many nights; my nails dug into her muscles. "I thought you died!"

"No you didn't," she scoffed.

"But you hurt me!"

"I know."

All the rage, anger and sadness of tonight and the past spilled over, and I yanked her close to me, ready to scream at her, but sobbed against her chest instead. She held me as I wetted her suit with my tears and clung to her like a lost child.

Had my words really inspired her so? Was I the catalyst for my lover's departure?

I couldn't bare it.

"You're shivering," she whispered as my crying subsided. "Come with me."

She led me away from the river, knowing I would follow, and stole me away to a motel she was occupying. Unlike the cottage, there was no fire, only a heat stove, but a wave of déjà-vù still hit.

You could finally have a life together, a little voice in my head urged.

While Léa used the loo, I slipped off my wedding ring and shoved it in the coat pocket before taking it off.

Then, when she returned, I kissed her.