Why me? ~ mark sloan

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

"Hey guys." She called and they both picked up the children and walked over to the other couple. Cristina quickly handed Amelia to Vanessa and Owen kept hold of Charlie as Mark wasn't supposed to lift anything so he didn't tear his extremely fragile stitches. 

Vanessa bounced Amelia up and down as Mark stared at her, completely entranced by her natural beauty and grace. No-one he had ever loved even came close to Vanessa and he was one-hundred-percent sure that she was the one he wanted to marry; to spend the rest of his life with.

Vanessa felt his eyes on her and looked up at him to see he was infact looking at her as well. She smiled warmly at him and moved into him slightly and he wrapped an arm around her waist and cooed at the baby in her arms.

"How're you feeling?" Owen asked Mark and Mark looked up at him, his face brighter than Owen had ever seen it before.

"Good." Mark replied simply and Owen nodded, a small smile playing on his lips as Cristina looked at the clock. 

"It's almost five, we have to go." She reminded Owen and he smiled down at her, nodding before pulling Vanessa in for a hug. 

"Call me if you need anything." He whispered in her ear as he handed her Charlie so she had a twin on each arm, and she nodded, waving goodbye to the couple as they walked out of the front door.

"Let's get them to bed." She sighed and walked upstairs with Mark following behind her.

***

Mark and Vanessa were laying in bed, both of them were staring at the ceiling and not saying anything, their breaths the only sound filling the room.

Mark turned his head on his pillow to look at her and she did the same thing, gazing into his cool blue eyes as they seemed to read her mind and soul.

"You're scared." He whispered suddenly and Vanessa closed her eyes momentarily, cursing herself for making it so easy for Mark to read her. When she opened them again Mark's hand was reaching out for hers, holding her hand in his gently.

"I'm not scared." She countered and Mark looked down at the mattress for a second before looking back up at her.

"When we said no more lies, what did that mean to you? Because to me it was pretty simple: we're not lying to each-other anymore. We did that and we split up and it was the worst couple of days in my life so we can't lie to each-other anymore." Mark's voice was soft but strong, his words pierced her skin like needles. She wanted so desperately to tell him how she felt but she couldn't worry him with her worries, she didn't want to make his injury about her.

"Vanessa." 

"I don't...it's not about me. You were...injured - I wasn't." She tries to reason with him and she feels him squeeze her hand gently.

"Derek told me about something you said," He starts, unsure if this was the right thing to be saying, "About how it reminded you of...him. You were injured V, and just because it wasn't physical it doesn't make it any less of an injury." 

Vanessa turned her head back toward the ceiling, keeping her hand in Mark's hand. It was silent for a few moments and then Mark felt it. The bed shaking and her hand being ripped from his to place over her mouth to stop the cries from escaping.

Mark sat up and pulled her into him, allowing her to cry onto his bare chest as he felt the pain radiating from her. The loss of her fiance and her baby, the way she almost lost him - the parallels were definitely there.

"Everything is going to be okay, alright? We can stay here like this until your all cried out and then we can sleep because remember how Derek wanted to take the kids to the zoo? And you're still on maternity leave and I'm still not allowed to work yet. So we're gonna sit here or lay here - whichever you'd prefer - until you feel better." Mark whispers to her as he strokes her hair. She falls down his body and into his lap, settling herself on his thighs.

It was in this moment, listening to her heart-shattering sobs and cries that Mark realised just how broken Vanessa was. Everything good in her life was overshadowed by something far worse. Her brother was a constant reminder of the war she lost her love in, her twins a constant reminder of the shooting - her friend dying, her person being shot, now Mark was a constant reminder of the pain she thought she brought into everyone's lives. 

He had gotten hurt - almost killed - for her and she couldn't find a way to deal with it. She couldn't find one thing in her that contributed to the good in her friend's lives - all she brought was pain. And she didn't want to bring anyone more pain.

"I have to go." She stuttered, jumping off of Mark and startling him slightly with her sudden movements. 

"Go where? It's almost midnight." 

"I don't know I just...I have to go." She grabbed a bag from her wardrobe and stuffed some essentials in there - clothes, underwear, money etc.

Mark jumped out of bed when he realised what she was doing and jogged over to her. She was desperately looking around for something - she didn't even know what but  she knew she was missing something.

"Vanessa, stop." Mark pleaded but she just grabbed her hairbrush and stuffed it in the bag before closing it and walking to the door. She opened it frantically and ran down the stairs as quick as her skinny legs would allow her to, Mark following half-naked behind her.

"Vanessa!" He called as he got to the bottom step and she opened the front door. She looked at him momentarily. Looked at the pain etched onto his face - caused by her. Looked at the scars on his abdomen and chest - because of her. She took a deep breath in and walked out of the door, closing it behind her.

Mark ran forward and opened it again, spotting her running down the street, her long orange hair flowing behind her, looking absolutely beautiful in the moonlight.

"Vanessa!" He yelled loud enough for her to hear him but she didn't stop, she didn't turn around. She just let the tears continue to fall freely down her face as she ran, formulating her plan to get out of Seattle in her head.

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A/N: Oop

still don't proofread so lmk if there's mistakes here :)

I hate this lmaooo 

Thanks for reading :)