The Model's Bodyguard (Romantic Suspense) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 13 - Of Many Firsts

Now, I'm going to put this pen down because my hands are hurting very badly and I'd like some rest. I'm most probably dead by now. Or not. Depending on when you decided to read this letter. Anyway, good luck and I wish you all the best life has to offer. Don't let opportunities pass you by and don't be afraid to open yourself up to new possibilities. They might be in your best interest.

With love and respect

Goodbye,

Josephine.

I let out a breath and folded the letter, tucking it again in my jacket pocket and stealing a glance at Mila who still did everything in her power to avoid my gaze. Then I let myself think about what Josephine had written for me. I didn't even know what to think of it but what I did know was that, yes, having Mila's love would be... But I would end up hurting her. I always hurt the women who thought they loved me or did, I don't know. But those women never mattered to me. That was why when they asked for more, I'd leave, because I couldn't let them gather anymore false illusions. At least I hadn't been a complete prick. I had put on my clothes and turned around for the door, leaving them all crying and draped in sheets because I didn't want them to nurse the silly notion that I would ever love them. It had just been sex. I had made that clear from the beginning and they were all willing to engage in a no-strings affair until they became too attached and started to think they loved me, asking for love in return. How could I give love that wasn't there? I couldn't.

That had been my sex life up until little over a month ago when I took this job. No, because I was on the job didn't mean I couldn't have sex. It was just this particular time that I didn't want it. Scratch that, I wanted sex, I had quite an appetite for sex, but I didn't want it with just any willing and attractive women that caught my eye because it seemed none did nowadays. And I knew all too well why though it puzzled me to no ends. I was fixated on one woman like I never had been before. Yes, I had chased after a great deal of women, playing the sensual game of cat and mouse and enjoying the chase, but that had all been a show for entertainment. In the end, I knew I would have the woman and they knew it too. It was all pretend. But this... This was different. Too different. Mila was different.

I couldn't help but compare her to every past woman I'd had. They had all been skilled sexual seductresses with moves so predictable sometimes I became frustrated from the boredom and evident outcome. Yet I had always known why I steered to those specific women even if I knew they'd be the same; I hoped that their personalities, seeming to be as promiscuous as mine, would shield them from feeling, from ever wanting more, but most of the times, the hope was moot and once they started to feel, I left without looking back. But Mila was the exact polar opposite. I never knew what to expect of her. Her feelings and reactions were too intricate and intense to ever predict. I'd be goddamned if it wasn't refreshing. She was so pure, so honest, that I knew she had no idea on how to play games, how to be dishonest to someone she cared for. If she ever lied it was in someone else's best interest, not hers. She was beautiful but didn't seem to know or care. She was modest and innocent. And she turned me on so bad that thinking of her effect had my body tighten in places it never should when sitting in the back of a cab.

So what if Mila did start to matter to me? Hell, she already did. That was an undeniable fact. I'd be a fool if I entertained the notion that she meant nothing to me and that I'd walk away as simply as I had walked in. But that didn't mean anything. It simply meant that I cared for her well being, that she mattered to me, and that was normal when two human beings were around each other for a series of time. Yet I still had to wonder about the other alternative, what had seemed so impossible just weeks ago. What if I started to feel more for her? To want what I never considered wanting before: More. The very way my heart and just about every other organ in my body ached at the thought of what she was going through at the very second, having lost her only remaining parent, was enough to say I cared for her more than I ever intended to. If I remembered correctly, the first time I met her had resulted in a game: To tame a beautiful woman with a stubborn and easy temper. But now I knew she was more than that. Mila was by far one of the most stubborn women I knew when it came to something she believed in but she could rationalize. I knew once I had gotten to know her that her temper was anything but easy. She was sweet, considerate, and gentle with a temper that took a while to be set off. She never grew angry at irrational things and it was something I admired in her. My temper, on the other hand, was her polar opposite; quick, easily irritated, and simply put, bad. I wasn't proud of it but there was nothing I could do either. At least I had some morals to go by. Like the one that told me I wouldn't go near her if I knew I'd end up hurting her. By God, I'd try my best to contain my hunger for her if I knew I wouldn't be able to give her more and that that was what she wanted. At least I hoped I could control myself, for I couldn't sustain the idea of playing her, of toying with her emotions and having her for my own convenience and satisfaction while I completely disregarded how it would affect her. Like I had done with other women. God, I had been a dick but in my defense, they had all accepted the fact that I wanted sex and nothing more from them. They had even seemed pleased... until it wasn't enough.