The First Of The Month

~Hold On.~

~A/N~ Got the inspiration for the title by the song 'Hold On' that I was listening on a mix while writing this. This is a slightly more serious chapter that involves serious topics. You have been warned. Thank you for the 400 reads! I'm surprised this many people would bother with my story. Thank you so much! Image above is not mine.

~Midoriya's P.O.V~

After returning home from the chaotic day I just sat around in my room. I plopped onto my bed the second I entered. With nothing to do and nobody to talk to other than my mom I started getting lost in my thoughts. I assume that I turned red whenever I started drifting off to thinking about what I witnessed earlier. As I laid on my bed, hand over my forehead, I started to lose my Hold on the happy thoughts and began overthinking. They started to cut right through me like a knife.

Worthless. Quirkless. Pitiful. Damn, you should just die. You're a nuisance. Useless Deku.

Why was I made to be this way? Why would the world want me to be worthless? Quirkless? Damn it. Why? My innocence had left me the moment I found out I was quirkless but what I did next made me feel like it was truly gone.

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(Trigger warning- Self Harm and suicidal thoughts)

The tip of the Box cutter cut deeper and deeper until the first sign of blood began to make itself know. The pain was absent. It felt numb. I felt numb. I'm sick. I have disease that makes me a nuisance to others around me. I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of feeling stuck as a forever weight on someone else's shoulders. I'm tired of hating myself for being the worthless piece of crap I am. 

The blade was dragging in almost rhythmic strokes across my once delicate skin. The pain was starting to register now. Before I knew it I was holding my breath trying not to scream in pain. What would my mom care? If she saw me in this state what would she do? She probably would help me get my back. Cut closer to more vital areas hoping she hit me in the right spot to kill me. No, that would make her a murder. She shouldn't go to jail for ridding the world of a nuisance like me.  Heck- she should be rewarded. 

Closer... Closer to my wrists

The closer I got to my wrists the more bittersweet the pain became. Some moments I was breathing with ecstasy and anticipation and others I was washed over with a sense of guilt and remorse for the innocence I had lost. If I die now, the mess will be worse to clean up. I couldn't make myself useless even in death, so I moved myself to the bathroom. With ninja like skills I made it across the hallway to the bathroom without letting my mom hear me, who was humming while familiar pots clattered in the kitchen. 

I sat in the long white tub. Glossy white that was now starting to turn pink as some blood made it's way onto the rim. I pulled my sleeve up to reveal the ugly skin that I had decorated in scabs, bruises, and blood. I once again sliced my skin once more intentionally cutting from my hand down to my wrist in one swift and fast stroke. Was this it? Was this my legacy? A worthless boy ends it all by riding himself from the world. Was that who I was going to be? The symbol of peace that couldn't take it. The boy who ended his life and who killed everyone who believed in the symbol of peace.

Well if I was to go now, then at least I go at a time where the symbol of peace is still around. At least I go when Allmight can save someone else. You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved. I read those words in an American text book once. They finally make sense now. It dawned upon me. I don't want to be saved. A wave of peace washed over me. I knew that when I go, someone who wants to be saved can be.

As I could feel myself go cold from the loss of blood I smiled at the homey bathtub that my mother used to bathe me in. When I was young and innocent. I closed my eyes and let myself relax. I let the door slam open and the scream enter my ears before blacking out.

~A/N~ I swear to god this is the shortest chapter in the history of chapters. This took what? Months? I didn't even get to the real tea yet. I'm sorry. If your reading this, why? I appreciate your dedication but seriously. Thanks though. :)