𝐆𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐎𝐑𝐄 ▸ HUNGER GAMES [ 1 ]

THIRTY

"Hey! Give her some space!" Sidonia's voice cuts through the din, and black-clad arms are pulling me up from the floor. "I think she's just a little overwhelmed by it all, I'm gonna take her upstairs." She tells the team, and the crowd thankfully disperses. I allow Sidonia to lead my shuddering form into the elevator. Once the doors slide closed at my heels she turns me to face her and crouches down to my level. Without my heels, I just about reach her chin.

"Clove. Clove. It's over okay. It's all done." She says, shaking my shoulders gently. Gradually, my breathing settles. I have to blink rapidly to clear my eyes of the strange haze but all it does is bring a waterfall of tears. At least I don't feel like my lungs are imploding anymore.

"I'm so proud of you. You did great out there tonight. Both of you."

"They made me watch....Cato..." I choke out, but I can't bring myself to continue. Sidonia manages to do it for me.

"I know, I know. And you know what, your face didn't crack once." She fixes me with a reassuring gaze. "Trust me, Kentwell. You're stronger than they think. Now don't give them the opportunity to break you."

I don't tell Sidonia that I'm certain they have already tried. 

° ° ° ° °

They give us the time to collect a couple of things from the apartment, and to say goodbye to Sabetha and Cinna and the preps. We'll see them all again in the winter, for the victory tour, but for now the farewell is short and sweet. I thank Sabetha for the brooch, but she tells me not to mention it at all. I'm not sure whether she means it literally or not.

Katniss and I are driven to the train station with our mentors, in a small car with blacked out windows. There are no people tossing roses from their balconies, no crowds celebrating our departure. Haymitch, Sidonia and Brutus chatter amongst themselves, though Brutus contributes about as much to the conversation as the Capitol chauffeur, which is to say a few words maximum.

Effie and Tallulah meet us on the platform, and we are ushered back into the cabins we journeyed here in. Except the train is the only thing that remains the same.

Sidonia Reyes is no longer the mysterious victor I might be scared of – she is the one person I might be able to trust, aside from my sister. Katniss is no longer the girl who volunteered for District 12, the one who showed Cato and I up at every stage and ripped our pedestals from right under our feet – she is my fellow victor. She is the girl who effectively killed the boy I love. She is the reason I am no longer sure whether the home I am going back to will treat me as it once did. Whether I will still be accepted there.

But we also share an enemy. And as much as I still hate her with every fibre of my being, I realise that I don't desire her death anymore.

What does that make me? Does it make me a traitor? What would Cato say, if he were still here?

I like to think he'd support me in doing whatever it took to keep my family safe, but I'm not sure if I can be certain of anything anymore. Not to mention the fact that the thought of Cato hating my guts from beyond the grave makes me want to disembark from this train as soon as it stops to refuel and disappear into the wilderness and hope something gets me.

I wish Katniss had never lowered her weapon. That she'd shot me through the back and gone home alone. At least then I wouldn't be here, rocking back and forth in the corner of a train carriage, dragging the charm of my necklace back and forth across the links repeatedly in an effort to stay in control.