AM I YOURS? // MATTY HEALY.

It feels like things are finally working out alright for both of you.

"I know, it's crazy." I chuckled. "This year is flying in."

"Tell me about it." Nessa rolled her eyes. "I'm just glad we have better weather now."

"Me too." I nodded.

"So you and Matty seem to be on good terms now, how does that feel?" She asked me.

"It's been nice." I nodded. I didn't really want to talk about this situation much, mainly because his birthday was a disaster. The worst thing is he doesn't even remember what happened.

"He seems pretty happy with Holly and you seem to be moving on pretty well too, I'm happy for you." She smiled sincerely.

"Yeah." I smiled back. "I've been thinking about moving out by the way."

"Really?" She was shocked to hear that.

"I think it's time you and George got to live on your own. I also think it's time I found a place for myself." I said softly. "I'm getting old now."

"You're only 27." She chuckled.

"Yeah but I need to make this move in life, I have a good job and I'm making enough money to afford somewhere nice." I shrugged.

"Well I think it's a good idea." She said.

"I'm hoping to be in my own place by the start of June." I told her. Her eyes widened.

"That's only like 2 weeks away." Her jaw was hanging open slightly.

"I know but I wanna get things going." I said.

"If you need any help with it then let me know." She leaned in and gave me a hug. "It's like the end of an era. You're moving out and I'll be living with my boyfriend, alone."

"We're growing up." I smiled.

"I can't believe it." She pulled back, smiling.

-

It's ironic when you realise that everything you wanted only a year ago is now your reality. It's worse when you can't tell anyone the truth. Matty's birthday was a disaster and I was the only one who even knew what truly happened. Which is unfortunate because he's the one who came here and confessed his love for me.

I was terrified in the moment to tell him the truth. In reality I should've lied because it's not like he remembered anyway. And I think that's what makes my situation now completely and utterly pathetic. If he truly was still in love with me then he wouldn't have forgotten surely?

I stared at the pregnancy test in my hand. I didn't want to believe that it was even possible for me to get pregnant after what my doctor told me but I was 2 weeks late and things didn't look on my side.

Every single test I'd taken today displayed a positive response. There was 4 tests in front of me and the one in my hand finally displayed another positive. Surely this wasn't real though? Surely it was a mistake. I couldn't be pregnant...

What scares me the most is the fact that if I am then what am I supposed to do now? Matty doesn't remember that night and it was a bad mistake that only I have the burden of knowing about. But if I am pregnant then this might be my only chance to have a child, would I be able to do it? This could ruin Matty's relationship.

I don't know what to fucking do.

-

"Alyssa, what's been wrong with you?" Nessa asked me. We were sitting at the pub while the rest of the guys were at the bar getting drinks. "You're not drinking tonight and you've been awfully quiet."