Lloyd often returned to that night, his desperation to change the outcome was endless. His capacity for acceptance was void, this tragedy was one barrier he would never overcome. That thought alone haunted his subconscious, and plagued his sleep, stealing the ability to rest away from him. He was left to only experience nightmares, and a feeling of numbness.
Returned to Crossbell only agitated the wound. Calavad had been the easiest escape, however, even he knew running wasn't an answer. The academy was a good distraction, he could funnel his rage into physical means. Eventually, he grew breathless and exhausted, only one solution would ease everything.
Stepping into the CPD caused his skin to instantly crawl. Meeting Sergei felt like a slap across the cheek and speaking with former colleagues created whispers in his head. None of these things he could ignore. Nothing would dull the white noise or quell the rampage of anger in his heart. Would this itchy in his skull remain constant until he learned to survive it?
As his mind shifted into darker thoughts of revenge, a soft light filtered in. His hazel eyes peered at the figure before him, the same soft cheesy smile. A similar eccentric voice and flirtatious nature. His eyed widened, for surely the phantom sitting there was a mirage. As he started to refocus, the brown mullet shifted into crimson and haze eyes into emerald. An entirely different person. That was the first moment all the white noise stopped, and he felt for one minute like a normie.
----
They were called the Special Support Section, or the S.S.S, a branch off the CPD and not at all what Lloyd had envisioned. And yet, he was grateful. This assignment was away from the haunted hallways and memories where the ghost of 'him' lurked. He could escape into his own world and find his own path as a detective. They were a rag tag group from different walks of life, and somehow, he'd become their leader. Was he ready to be responsible for others when he was barely hold on himself? Did he have a choice?
Lloyd dove headfirst into their reports and investigations. He functioned on autopilot most days. Detective work was second nature to him, it was an escape and the drug he needed. The engagement kept his mind from wondering, but every so often he would see the flicker of a shadow in the corner of his eye. He'd turn to catch even a glimpse of the ghost, but he was always too late. The white noise had dulled, and for a briefly moment he believed it was gone all together.
Until...
One investigation led them to the Crossbell Hospital. He could not visit without seeing her. The idea was terrifying and yet joyous. She looked the exact same, beautiful, posed and gentle. They shared a bond few would understand, they would always be family even without the wedding. Seeing Cecile ignited the shadows in his mind. They screamed to life, and he could barely breath. He grasped at his chest as the white noise overpowered his vision and hearing. He swayed as the shadows cascaded down his throat and filled his lungs. He tried to scream but nothing emitted.
"She's just my type!" The words managed to reached Lloyd's ears as a light hand rested on his shoulder. "How could you keep such a beauty from me Lloyd." The voice was louder, it echoed like a banshee and seemed to chase the shadows away. He blinked and lowered his hand as the air filled his lungs again. He took in a deep breath and turned around to face Randy.
"Haha... its not like that." Lloyd scratched the back of his head and offered up a half smile. Randy Orlando, an ex-CGF member, and notorious flirt. He knew little about the man beyond those facts and yet---
"I'm meeting up with a girl and we are running away together!"
"Brother! What about Cecile, you wouldn't hurt her like that!"
"Them the breaks kiddo. So I'll be away for a while."
The flashback hit him like an orbal bus. He was thankful when the investigation continued, though he found a hard time removing his gaze from Randy. The older man eventually seemed to notice and watched Lloyd in return with concern on his face. Another fact he could record about Randy, he was observant.
