à la flower

the status quo

june 3, 2020

i'm really sorry for not being as active as i wanted to. Trash_4_Yoongi, thank you for your continuous sweet messages, and i hope you are taking care of yourself as well.

why i have decided to post now is because of the following:

i live in america, and i know everyone knows what is exactly going on in my country at the moment. after being silent about what has been going on across all of my personal social media platforms, i decided to share my thoughts here; reason being, i don't use my personal social medias as much as i do here.

2020 was supposed to be a great year for me:

i confessed to the guy i like in january, and we were going to go to prom in march. a week before my prom, my state into a lockdown, and all big events, including my prom, were cancelled.

i was supposed to go to my first and last international competition for my club in april, enjoy my last huge moment as a club officer. again, my state was in a lockdown as well as the competition being cancelled in nashville, where it was supposed to be.

i was supposed to graduate from high school after taking my last final exams in may, walking across the stage to get my diploma. now i wait to get my diploma, my school district still promising to have a in-person graduation ceremony so i can still have that special moment.

the past three months passed by though, all those special moments and events i was supposed to experience all gone. instead of stressing away at school like a normal high school senior, i stress away at work, feeding ignorant people who can't stay home because they are bored.

i am tired, and i'm honestly not feeling as well as i made myself believe. after already breaking down a few times, i have decided to move on and continue to work through this pandemic while staying informed, and i know that's not a bad thing.

however, on top of living through the covid-19 pandemic, the blm movement has been triggered once again after the death of george floyd.

on may 25, 2020, nine days ago, the death of one black man sent america into a mass of protests and riots in all fifty states. and it is hard to ignore, from the news updating the status of the increasing protests and riots to my peers posting on blackout tuesday on instagram, pressuring to "not stay silent just because you are uncomfortable".

for my fellow americans, no matter your ethnicity or age, it is truly up to you to participate in the blm movement. at the very least, educate yourselves on what will taint our history books in the near future. i personally am streaming youtube videos whose ad revenue will donate to the blm movement. if you would like to do the same, as well as people living outside of america, look up the channels #blacklivesmatter and zoe amira. they both have the same video, and it would mean a lot if you watch it at least once.

however, in the end, it is okay to think about yourself first. already overcome with stress and weariness, i've decided to not post anything on my personal social medias, which is not rare seeing as i post once in a blue moon. i truly empathize with the victims of the blm movement: the african-americans who once again face oppression in what is supposed to be a "free" country; the police officers who are collectively seen as an injustice, broken system when there are actually many good men and women who put their lives on the line everyday to protect and handle civilians; and the owners of businesses who are being destroyed by the riots going on.

however, it really is too much, the rigorous social and political divide in the country on top of the pandemic that still scares me. everything is scary and unbelievable to see with my two eyes, the news being nothing but riots, politics, and a vaccine to end all of this mess.

this has become the new normal in 2020.

so if you're like me, emotionally, mentally, physically stressed, it's okay to act ignorant in order to take care of yourself. pick up new hobbies, spend time with your family, keep minimal information on what is going on. don't get caught up in negative media and peer pressure to not "stay quiet" because your friends don't know what is going on in your life.

in the end, you matter the most in your life, so do what you need to do in order to live through this terrible year of 2020. i hope that this note will touch some hearts, and i truly wish everyone a good day/night.

until next time, ac.

i have posted this same note on my anime/manga acc staaarly.    

this is an open space to share your thoughts, questions, and feelings on the current status quo. i would love to hear from you guys. again, take care <3