Noncandescent

The Epiphany

Abuela pushes, “Then what do you think you need?”

Eddie blurts out, “I need Buck to get a clue about the fact that we’re two signatures away from being divorced! I’m doing everything I can to stop that from happening, but I can’t do it all on my own.”

Abuela tells him patiently, “You might be right about that, but I think you need more.”

Eddie isn’t in the mood, “Abuela, if you’re going to tell me I need God, please don’t. I already do, in my own way. I prayed to Him when every natural disaster happened to keep the ones I love safe. I prayed to Him to give Christopher strength on the days when he wanted to give up.”

Abuela soothes, “Oh, Edmundo, it’s so much more than that.”

When Eddie has to sit down, head in his hands, she still pushes, “Tell me, something. If I were to ask you, right now, why you’re so frustrated with Buck, what would you say?”

Finally, something Eddie knows he can answer, as he looks up, “He’s pigheaded. He makes everything so much harder than it as to be. He’s completely selfish. He always has something new to complain about.”

Abuela urges, “Has he ever thanked you for any of it?”

Eddie’s more than happy to say, “No! And you’d think after I’d gotten his car washed, got the oil changed, done the dishes, clean up the house, that he could be just a little bit thankful. But he’s not.”

Here, Abuela starts moving away, but Eddie’s so focused on venting, he doesn’t see, “And when I’m home, he makes me feel like a complete idiot for even trying. I don’t feel like I belong in my own house, Abuela. That hurts more than anything else.”

Abuela keeps pacing as she listens to Eddie’s ranting, “Abuela, for the last three weeks, I’ve been jumping through hoops for him. I’ve literally done everything to prove I still care about making us work.”

Then he gets to the list, “I bought him flowers, he dumped them in the trash right in front of me. I took every barb, every snide comment, but last night was the final straw. I made a nice meal for him, I showed in every aspect of it that I still cared about him, and threw it all back in my face. He doesn’t deserve this, Abuela. I’m not doing it anymore.”

Here, he has to turn himself towards Abuela, who’s now closer to she sliding glass door, so he finishes with a question,

“Tell me, how exactly am I supposed to prove my love to someone every single day, who constantly tells me he doesn’t want it anymore?”

Finally, Abuela says something, looking inside as she says, “That’s a very good question.”

Eddie follows her gaze, and sees probably the last thing he expected to see:

Christopher, playing with his toys, looking like he’s having the time of his life, despite the fact that he’s technically by himself.

Instantly, Eddie understands what Abuela’s been trying to say, and he’s quick to deny, “No, Abuela, that isn’t what I’m doing at all.”

Abuela looks right at Eddie as she says, “Are you sure?”

Eddie wants more than anything to deny it, and tries again, “Abuela, this isn’t even close to being about that at all.”

Abuela starts talking again, and it’s clear Eddie’s meant to listen, not speak, “Nieto, you just asked me, How can you prove your love when they don’t want it? Edmundo, the answer is quite simple. You can’t love what you don’t have.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything, just puts a hand to his head, but Abuela keeps talking, “I couldn’t truly love your abuelo until I knew what it really meant. It’s not because I wanted something back. It’s about how I chose to love your abuelo, whether he earned it or not. Nieto, your son loves you regardless if you deserve him or not. Even though you’ve let him fall by the wayside, threw it back in his face. That little boy in there was sent to you as one of God’s angels because He knew nobody would love him more than you. I never knew what that love could do for someone until I had your Mama.”

Finally, Abuela’s back to standing right in front of Eddie, who’s trying not to tear up. Abuela crouches down, continuing, “But when I did, oh, Edmundo, she changed my life. That’s when I could truly love with my own heart. Nieto, I can’t fix this. It’s between you and that little boy. But I love you enough to tell you the truth. Can’t you see how much that little boy needs you?”

Eddie knows he can’t deny this, hell he won’t deny this. But he still can’t meet his abuela’s eyes, so he nods.

Abuela pushes, “Can’t you see he needs all of you?”

Here, Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose as he finally whispers, so quietly, “Yes.”

Abuela asks, “Will you put him first always?”

That seems to be the final push Eddie needed, as he looks at his abuela, tears in his eyes, and gives only the slightest nod.

That’s all the confirmation Abuela needs, and moves in closer to wrap Eddie in a tight hug.

Neither of them say anything for a while after that, but when they finally go inside, the first thing Eddie does is go sit with his son.

He doesn’t care what he has to do next, he’s not letting this little boy down ever again.