Noncandescent

Day 18

Once he’s in his car, he lets the phone ring, and once Abuela picks up, Eddie wastes no time telling her,

“Abuela, it’s not working.”

“What isn’t?”

“El amor se atreve. It’s not working.”

“Oh Nieto, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’ve been following everything to the letter, and Buck doesn’t want any of it.”

“Edmundo, it takes 40 days, not 4.”

“I just don’t understand why I should waste time driving down a one way street when we both know it’s a dead end.”

“You don’t know that, nieto. I’ve never known you to quit anything, Edmundo. And why do I have a sneaking suspicion you’re only doing the bare minimum?” when Eddie doesn’t reply, she pushes, “Am I right?”

Eddie takes a breath before admitting, “I don’t feel anything, abuela.”

“Edmundo, I understand. But this isn’t just about feelings. This is about your decisions. You can’t give up when you’ve only just started. Keep going. Un día a la vez."

Eddie nods in understanding, “Okay, abuela, I understand.”

“Te amo, nieto.”

“Te amo.”

With that, Eddie hangs up, wiping  a hand across his face.

“I don’t know what to do, little man.” Buck tells baby Johnny, as he holds him in his arms.

“I know this is the time where I need to hold on in the hard times, but...”

Buck sighs. “With what I have as competition, it’s a miracle I’m even in the running.”

He thinks, somewhere, that maybe this isn’t something he should be telling a baby, especially Maddie’s baby, but by now, he’s just so frustrated to where he just needs to get it off his chest.

“He makes me feel ridiculous without even knowing it. When did I stop being enough for him?”

On another day, Eddie’s just about to power up the laptop again, but this time, he stops. Instead, he looks at a picture on the desk, put there what seems like forever ago.

It’s a picture of the three of them, just having fun at the pier, to prove the tsunami didn’t ruin it for them. What Eddie wouldn’t give to be back in that time, when tsunamis were all they had to worry about.

But then he thinks of Buck, probably out on a call right now, and what he said about the computer being his default.

Then he gets up, and walks away.

Meanwhile, Buck’s enjoying a casual lunch with Ethan on his break, and can’t deny he’s found himself looking forward to them more and more, as the days go by.

Later, when he’s back at the fire station, he finds a simple rose and a card, and when he sees it’s from Ethan, he can’t help but smile.

In fact, it’s enough for him to want to go all the way back to the hospital between calls just to thank him.

The entire time, they talk back and forth as Ethan goes over his charts, but neither of them notice just how much they’re talking.

But Hen absolutely does, and she is not liking it at all. She knows things are as good as over with him and Eddie right now, but to openly flirt with another man, before the the pen’s even brought to the divorce papers?

Hen wishes more than anything he could tell Eddie about this, but she knows she can’t.

Seeing how happy Buck looks, regardless of why he is, she knows she can’t be the one to ruin it.

Bobby’s cooking a meal, as he asks,“What day are you on?”

Eddie tells Bobby, as he reads through the book, “18.”

Bobby asks kindly, “How’s that working out?”

Eddie sighs, “It’s difficult. Every day adds something new to how I treat him.”

Bobby pushes him to go on, “Example.”

Eddie pulls the book out, flipping to the right page, “Here’s one. Day 16, I was supposed to pray for him. I tried, but it felt off. Day 17 was about listening to him. And 18, now it’s about studying him.”

“Studying him?”

Eddie nods, flipping to the page, reading out loud, “When a man is trying to win over someone’s heart, he studies them. He finds out the spouse’s likes and dislikes, their quirks and hobbies. But after he wins their heart and marries them, that’s when the learning stops. If the effort he put in before they were married amounts to a whole high school education, then the time after would equal a college, a master’s, even a doctorate. It’s a lifelong effort that makes them closer than ever.”

Here, Bobby has to admit, “That is very interesting. I never would’ve thought about it like that before.”

Eddie asks, “Do you study Athena?”

Bobby nods, “Of course, but I don’t think I’m at the college degree level yet. Tell me a little more about studying him.”

Eddie sighs, “I’m supposed to make him a romantic dinner for two, then ask him a bunch of questions.”

Here, Bobby puts down his spatula, and looks at Eddie, “My advice? Go all out.”

This surprises Eddie, so he prompts, “What do you mean?”

Bobby tells him, “Don’t be a cheapskate on this. If you don’t make it yourself, get the food from a good restaurant. Bring it home, use your good plates, good glasses, music, the whole thing. Do everything you can to make it memorable.”

That night, Eddie’s just putting the finishing touches on the dinner for two. Chris has already gone to bed, so it’s just going to be the two of them. He’d chosen to listen to Bobby’s advice, grabbing the meal from where they had their first date.

He lights the candles one by one, checks his watch, making sure he’s not wrong about when Buck’s supposed to be home.

Then he hears Buck walking up the driveway, so he puts the lighter away, suddenly nervous.

When the front door opens, Buck turns to drop his keys on the table, then turns towards the dining room.

And sees a very romantic candlelit dinner for two, with Eddie standing by the table.

Buck knows better than to fall for this again, but he still moves closer, curiosity piqued.

Eddie pulls a chair out, in invitation.

But Buck doesn’t sit down, instead just walks away.

Once he’s in the guest room, he stares at himself in the mirror for several long seconds, reminding himself, stand your ground.

Once he’s ready, he walks back out, where Eddie’s still standing there, looking hopeful.

Too bad. “Eddie, what are you doing? Where’s Chris?”

There’s so many ways Eddie could respond to that, but after all this time, all he says is, “Maybe I’d just like to have dinner with my husband.”

For a second, Buck wants to believe him. He can even feel himself almost take a step forward.

But then he catches himself. No. He’s not letting himself fall for this. No matter what. He can’t. Not after that horrible night.

Steeling himself, Buck takes one step closer to Eddie, and says, “Let me make one thing abundantly clear.”

Once he has Eddie’s attention, he says slowly, and deliberately,

“I. Do not. Love you. Anymore.”

This, of course, is a flat out lie, but he can tell it succeeded in getting under Eddie’s skin.

Satisfied, Buck walks away, leaving Eddie with an untouched meal, and tears in his eyes.