vent

venting.

In basically 2012 I started playing a game called 'Avakin life' and tbh I was a child so I never thought I'd be serious as I was very bored but before I knew it I was obsessed and I'd play everyday mainly because I didn't live in a loving household, my parents just wanted to drink and party and we had police in and out our house which confused me and I was also in my horrible stepmothers house which messed me up lots.
The game saved me from being some messed up teenage girl out in the street and the reason it saved me from that was because i met the most amazing, trustworthy people who have been my friends for almost 6-7 years (amber, jack, shauna and Callum) god only knows what kinda trouble my irl 'friends' would've dragged me into.
So fast forward a few years I was casually online and bored so i joined  friends (shauna and voodoo) we all hung out and even voodoos ex 'beau Perrie Rio' was there, slowly everyone had to go and before I knew it I was sitting in an art museum with him, I then found out his name was 'jakøb' and he was so funny, just the little things he'd do would put a smile on my face, we sat there for hours talking as time went by.

The days went by and we would continue to stay at that exact place, I played hard to get but I was honestly falling for him, he made me feel sick but in the good way!

He decided to ask me out and we even went on a cute date..

×××××××××××Fast forward××××××××××

He took me back there months later on a 'date' but he ended up proposing and it melted my heart that he remember it was the place our first date happened.

I was so happy with him, tbh I was falling in love him..I was since the day we started talking. I know this might sound cheesy but when I tell you I'd haven taken a bullet for him I mean it and I still would, even tho we was far away I still knew that what we had wasn't pretend. For the first time I was in love and I was so happy because I knew my friends thought I was a slut so I HAD to let them all meet him..especially amber.

I finally let them meet and I was so excited I wanted them to be happy for me and like him cause there was something special ab him..they all liked him but not amber, she was a bit off with him but I just tried to make them get along cause I loved them both:).

×××××××fast forward a year×××××××××

I developed PTSD as I remembered bad children trauma coming back to me that I had forgotten and I was almost abducted when out with my friend kacey one night.

My issues resulted in me keeping quiet but taking my issues out on everyone else, sadly..I slowly up our relationship mostly because I was scared to lose him, he knew what I looked like..at the start by 4 photos, I deleted them tho and decided to catfish him cause I was so toxic.

We almost met but as usual my family let me down..so obviously I let him down when all I wanted was to make him happy, I was depressed tho and ngl I forgot what happiness was unless I was talking to him.

Things got better, like a fresh start he told me he loved me and I said I loved him back, it was like a new chapter.

I was out with my friends a few hours after telling him I loved him, I was having fun but ofc I put myself in danger and my phone was left in my friends for almost a week I told my friend divine in science class that I'd text him once I got out school and that I loved him so much.

I got out school and was sitting in my bestfriends house. I logged on, so excited to talk to him but soon my heart dropped to my stomach and I LITERALLY almost collapsed in my friends kitchen (dramatic ik) I was confused cause I thought..out of all the women in this world he chose HER?! My friend, the person I trusted with everything (amber) they both acted toxic towards me before I could even be angry, they both turned on me and jakøb clearly talked behind my back for her to be rude to me too as amber and i hadn't fought in years.