Jumping Ship

Chapter Two

Jason caught up with Howard at the end of the corridor, where he was waiting for the lift. Howard stared up at the indicator display, watching the numbers change. Jason sighed heavily but remained silent. The lift arrived and the doors slid open. Howard marched straight in and pressed the up button. Jason had to step forward quickly to get in the lift before the doors shut. Howard remained silent and stared at the wall.

Jason quietly said, "Dougie?"

Howard continued to ignore Jason and studied the carpet on the floor of the lift. The lift shuddered gently as it arrived at the top floor. The doors opened directly onto the roof terrace. Howard strolled out and walked over to one of the tables and slumped down into the armchair next to it. Jason followed him closely and sat in the other armchair on the opposite side of the table.

The two men studied each other. Hurt and anger still evident on Howard's face. Jason was at a loss at what to say to his closest friend in the band - in his life really. They shared so much together over the years, in and out of the band, no-one could or would understand what it was like being a part of it all - other than each other.

He had thought Howard knew that he'd had enough of the madness and the relentless schedule when they were working.
He loved touring and being on stage but nowadays hated the attention away from that. He just wanted to be anonymous and be left alone by fans when not working. The others had always been more at ease with the constant attention from the fans.

"Well, thanks for nothing!" Howard pulled Jason out of his thoughts.
"What? I never said I would definitely be back!" Jason replied, feeling defensive.

"You're always reluctant in the beginning Jay. Remember before the Ultimate tour? You even phoned Bob for his opinion. I just never thought you'd go through with it! After all that happened with Rob. Now, you do this! Only weeks before the bloody album is to be released too! It's not on mate!" Howard shook his head and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his jacket pocket and stood up. He walked over to the terrace wall while lighting up. He puffed angrily on the cigarette as he looked at the view across west London.

Jason stood and walked over to his friend. He stood next to him saying nothing, looking out over the city. For Howard to say so much and in so much anger (or was it anguish?) He must be upset, thought Jason. But he couldn't see a way to make it right, not without going against his inner feelings, his gut instinct, which had been screaming at him for months to just stop and get off the merry-go-round. He'd spent the last few years trying to enjoy his time off but at the same time realising he was dreading going back to work - to the scrutiny, to the hectic timetable, the endless banal interviews. He had been in turmoil about what to do. Did he let the band and the fans down? Or let himself down? It started to effect his health: he lost weight; he started drinking more than usual; he became paranoid about having his picture taken. - He just needed peace! - No, the only solution was to leave.

"I'm sorry" Jason softly said, putting his arm round Howard's shoulder.
After a minute or two Howard stubbed out his cigarette and put his arm round Jason and they stood like that for some time just watching the traffic in the distance on the West Way.

Howard turned and looked at Jason and said sadly, "It won't be the same... without you... I will miss you. You do know that?"

Jason felt a lump in his throat, "Course"
Jason looked back at Howard, seeing his eyes were shining just a little too brightly.

"You'll be alright!" Jason tried to cheer his friend up. He hated seeing him so distressed, specially when he had caused it.

"Maybe. That's if the fans want us as a three!" Howard glumly replied.

"You'll be fine!" Jason squeezed Howard's shoulder.

"They'll soon forget about me!" Jason replied a bit too cheerfully.

"Of course they won't!" Howard said fiercely and protectively. He hugged Jason a bit tighter to show his support.

"Umm, we'll see" Jason replied.

"I'm gonna miss you" Howard looked sad again, his eyes glistening.

Jason blinked hard, watching Howard struggle with his emotions. Jason turned and hugged Howard tight. His own tears sliding unseen, down his face. Howard's eyes brimmed with tears as he hugged Jason back.

This really was goodbye.