The Journals of the Ruins: River of Lost Memories

Chapter 3

The water lets go of my hand and places me back on the shores of reality. Tear stains are all over my face. I am shaken. My heart is beating a million times faster and I think that it's skipping beats. I don't understand why I'm the only one having these lost memories. I didn't do anything wrong to deserve such things. Seeing her die in front me, watching her frail body hit the ground so hard that I'm shocked she didn't break the ground beneath her. I should've done something. Why did I have to fall for Anathora all over again? Do I still have feelings for the girl chasing us, the girl who wants one thing and one thing only? Me. She's working for Trynar, the guy who wants Paisley and Tallan dead, and me forced to interprete the Journals so he can rule over Derishan. I can't let that happen. I will swear an oath, a promise, to protect Paisley and Tallan, Paisley especially, and I will never give in to Trynar's evil schemes. I am never interpreting the Journals not even if he threatens me, or them. I mean, yeah of course it's going to hurt me the most when they are threatened to die, but it's only going to be worse for Derishan after Trynar gets the interpretations of the Journals. I'm not trying to make it sound like it's all about Derishan and totally ignoring my best friends, but I'm just trying to save Derishan from the darkness that is to come. Well, if I don't save Derishan, but I get to keep my best friends, I will have many mad people after me, maybe even death threats. Honestly, I'd rather have all that instead of having both Tallan and Paisley dead because of me. Sure, Derishan will be safe, but I won't be happy. I would be all alone. My heart already belongs to someone, I don't think that that can ever change. I'd only be lying to myself if I married someone else who I didn't really love. I love my best friend! I love Paisley Trendall! I want to hold her in my arms and never let her go. I want to lay down on the grass with her and watch the stars above our heads. I want to get stuck in the rain with her, give her my jacket, and when the feeling is just right, kiss her. I want to take her anywhere I go. I want her to feel safe with me. I want her to feel like that I will always be there for her,  I will always protect her, and that even when we're apart from each other, we will always be in each other's heart. I shake my head and begin to rub my hands on my face. Okay. This water does something weird to my head. I hear footsteps coming up from behind me. I move my hands from my wet face and look at them. It's Paisley. 

"So, you and Tallan had a fight or whatever? You want to talk about it?" She asks sweetly. This is why I love her! She always is concerned and she cares nonstop about me or anyone in that case. I simply shake my head. She moves in closer beside me and wraps her arms around me and her head on my shoulder. I can't help but to smile. Luckily she isn't looking straight at my face. She moves her head up. "You're wet!" She wipes her hands on her pants. "Why are you wet?" She asks concerned. "Did you fall in the water?" She looks over into the water. "It's only a couple feet deep, maybe three tops. You can't drown from that unless you were the height of a six-year-old." She looks back at me. "Are you sure you're alright?" 

"Who cares about if I'm alright. I'm just happy to see you alive!" I tell her. She looks at me confused. I look at her and I shake my head. "No, no, no." I start. "I'm not explaining what I have been through and the only good thing about it is that it was fake although, it felt so very real, but you're alive." I try and pull a smile on my face. I stare down at the ground and place my elbows on my knees and my fists on my cheeks. I sit up normally again. "Is Tallan still alive?!" I ask worried. She looks behind her for Tallan. 

"Yeah." She answers me. "Kippy, you sure everything's alright?" She asks me concerned. I nod my head. I can't tell her, I know I can't. She might think I'm delusional or constantly worrying about everyone dying and such. I honestly don't want her to not feel comfortable with me. I want her to feel like that I'm going to protect her against Trynar. I will at all costs. These lost memories have been getting worse, she knows about the first one...sort of. She doesn't know what exactly occurred in it. She died because of me in the first one, which means that the second one was showing me how I technically killed her, but Tallan was alive in the first one, the second one he dies too and I'm carried away to translate the Journals for Trynar?! The pieces don't seem to be fitting together and it's leaving these empty, unanswered questions in my head. Does Tallan die because of me? Does Paisley die? Does anybody die? What about the Journals? Do I end up interpreting them? Do I let all of Derishan down? Does Derishan go into darkness? These are the questions that I need to know. The questions that I can't answer and neither can the lost memories. They aren't doing a good job at showing me these things. Another question I have is how did Anathora come back into my life? Why did I kiss her and let Paisley die? Why am I such a sucker for girls and girls who want to kiss me? I don't even know if I'm that good of a kisser. Maybe I am and that's why they always seem to be coming back for more. What more do they want? A wedding ring? In their dreams, even then I'll say no! I only have one girl on my mind and in my heart. She's the only one I want in my life, right by my side as she has been for the majority of my life. She is my best friend. I know I say this a lot, but honestly, I love Paisley. I love her more than life itself. I would take my life in order for her to live. If that's not true, pure, long lasting love, then I don't know what is. Paisley rubs my back. "Are you sure you're alright?" She repeats. I am silent. She wraps her arms around me again. "It's going to be alright. Trust me on this. Nothing bad is going to happen. Sure, things are going to go down, it's Trynar, it'll happen, but nothing," She pauses to take a deep breath. "nothing will get so bad to the point that it tears us apart." She tells me. "I won't let that happen." She calmly adds. I look at her with tears forming in my eyes. 

"How can you be so sure?" I say with a catch in my voice. "You're not the one that they want!" Her eyes are wide open. She crosses her arms. 

"So you think that I had a choice to come on this - this stupid journey that's really about you staying away from Trynar? You really think I didn't have a choice?! I didn't! First of all, I didn't trust Anathora being alone with you because I had a feeling she wasn't who she said she was. It was nothing but a trap. That's all this whole thing was, was a trap!" She shouts angrily. She gets up and begins to walk away. 

"If you weren't forced into coming on this with me, then why were you?" I ask her. She stops. She sighs heavily with her back facing me. 

"You want to know why I came on this with you?" She begins as she turns around. "Because I wanted to be with you. I wanted to help you. I wanted to stop Trynar. I thought that if I came along with you, that I would get my first kiss, as strangely as that sounds," She lightly giggles as tears run down her face. "I was hoping that my first kiss was going to be with you." She shakes her head. "But who would've known that this is how you are. You probably wouldn't even kiss me. Would you?" She pauses to wipe her eyes. "You're just into Anathora and you're always going to be into her." She mutters under her breath. I shake my head. 

"No." She looks at me. I stand up and walk towards her. "That's not true. You are going to get your first kiss, not necessarily right now, but someday in the future you will. Believe me. And honestly, I would love to kiss you. Which probably leads me to my next thing I wanted to tell you, I was actually hoping to tell you at a time that's not like this, but I think it needs to be done because if I don't this moment may not be here again and it will be too late." I stare into her blue eyes and she seems to be staring into mine. "Paisley," I begin. "I --" Tallan runs towards us. 

"We got to go!" Tallan interrupts. Paisley looks at me. 

"It's okay, just tell me after." She pats me on the shoulder and begins running. I'm left alone shaking my head. Tallan looks at me panicking. 

"Come on, Kiplin! Let's go!" He grabs me by the wrist and runs off. Now I see how Paisley feels when she was trying to confess to me that she has a crush on me. It sucks. I hate it! I wish I didn't ramble and I wish that I didn't have to say stupid little side notes. I should've just come right out and said it. I wish I was brave enough to tell her how I feel about her like how she did, unless, of course she knows that I have a crush on her and I love her, already. The next moment I have with her, I'll tell her everything. The lost memories, how I love her, everything! She has to know and when she knows, it will make everything else just amazing. I hope.