The Girl Who Played With the Dragon Tattoo's Nest

Chapter 4

Prepared, she got up and headed for Rapeman's apartment again.

When she arrived and knocked on the door, Rapeman opened it with wide eyes. "Why, Miss Salamander, I'm surprised to see you back so soon and apparently unarmed. Come inside. Step into my bedroom while I turn my back to you, a fatal mistake that exposes myself to you, because you're certainly no threat to me."

Rapeman turned around and raised his hands in the air with his back to Elzbeth.

"All too easy." Elzbeth zapped him with her taser.

When Rapeman woke up, he found himself bound with rope around his ankles and wrists. He looked around himself in a panic, and found Elzbeth sitting on the bed, smoking a cigarette. "Elzbeth, what is this? What have you done?"

She sneered. "Isn't it obvious? I've captured you, and I'm going to make you suffer in ways that all women who've suffered abuse have dreamed of. First, you're going to watch this video I made with my Apple Macbook."

Rapeman winced. "W-was it the Apple Macbook Air or the Apple Macbook Pro?"

"Air."

He nodded. "That's a good one. I have the Pro myself, but it's a bit more than I need. The salesman was very convincing."

"Shut up." She turned on the TV.

A logo swirled into view, along with triumphant music. The logo read, "Unsolved Crimes of Sweden: Elzbeth Salamander vs. Niles Rapeman."

The logo faded to a cold stretch of snow along the banks of a river. Elzbeth walked into view of the camera wearing a trench coat.

"Hello," she said, "I'm Elzbeth Salamander. Tonight, we'll be covering the heinous unsolved crime of Niles Rapeman against me. Let's watch the video evidence."

The video began to play the recording Elzbeth had made. At times, she gagged watching it, but forced himself to watch the whole thing.

When it ended and the credits rolled, Rapeman nodded. "I-I like the direction. The lighting is excellent, and the editing captures the somber yet vibrant nature of the material, reminiscent of the work of Ingmar Bergman--"

"Shut up. I'm glad you're enjoying it, because it's going to be on every computer in the world if you don't do exactly as I say."

He narrowed his eyes. "What about computers that aren't connected to the Internet?"

"I can still do it. It's a hacker thing. Now, first, you're going to start posting reports every month about how wonderfully I'm doing. Second, in a year, you're going to emancipate me from guardianship. Third, you're going to give me back all my money. Fourth, I'm never going to see you again, unless I need to torment and threaten you. Fifth, I'm going to torment and threaten you at random times for the rest of your life."

Rapeman sighed. "Okay, well, that wasn't too bad. I thought you were going to torture me."

"Oh, yeah, almost forgot to torture you." She took out her Home Tattooing Kit for Sociopaths and began setting out her tools. "I want to make sure you never get anywhere near another woman."

Rapeman cringed. "So you're going to report me to the police and have me arrested so I can serve time and spend the rest of my life labeled as a sex offender?"

"No, I'm going to put a really mean tattoo on your stomach. And it'll really hurt. Because I've never done this before, and my hand shakes when I'm nervous."

"Oh. Still feels like I'm getting off easy."

"Shut up."

Elzbeth began working on the tattoo with a really sharp needle. He screamed in pain while she worked, which gave her immense satisfaction. In reality, it didn't hurt that much, but Rapeman felt it was expected.

When she finished, she stepped back and admired her work.

She had tattooed a row of cute-looking ponies on his stomach with the word "BRONY" in bold letters above them. "There. Now if you ever get naked in front of a woman, she'll see that and get turned off and want to have nothing to do with you."

Rapeman sobbed. "You're a horrible person. First, you blackmail me, and then you put a humiliating and painful tattoo on me?"

"It isn't as bad as what you did to me."

"But it's still pretty bad."

Elzbeth packed up her tools. "Yeah, well, I'm an anti-hero. I can blackmail, wound, maim, even kill, and it's okay because I'm doing it for the right reasons."

Rapeman groaned. "That doesn't seem right."

"Shut up."

Elzbeth walked out of Rapeman's house through a gauntlet of cheering women who gave her high-fives.

One woman sobbed. "I've been wanting to do that to men for years. You're our hero."

"Your hero is a sadistic mentally-disturbed woman who beats up and kills almost every man she comes in contact with? That's kind of sad."

The woman shrugged. "What can I say? We don't have too many options."

Harriet Tubman, Susan B. Anthony, Ada Lovelace, and Amelia Earhart all stood nearby, hanging their heads in shame.