My Dearest Chef

This is... like... um... a Chef Boyardee story

!This is totally poetry!
And no, I'm not wasting my time
-Herbert Hoover
Once upon a time...
I was sitting in my armchair, eating a bowl of sawdust and watching my favorite program
(Insert televised program for atmospheric purpose)

It was an ordinary night, sunny as can be.
Which reminded me that my first name
does not start
with the letter D
All were silent on that very night
With the exception of the dickholes
That lived down the lane and to the right
It was only when I saw that something had turned on the kitchen light
With that I got up from my stillness
To do what was right
(Listen I am writing this at 4:00 AM. So imma stop with the cheap rhyming. I am putting absolutely no effort into this story and I wanna go to bed. Plus, I want to save my rhymes for a serious story.)
⚠️⚠️⚠️
DAMMIT
I forgot this was a serious story
IM SORRY CHEF!!!!
*the author has died*
Any way
I stepped into the kitchen
To find at my table
Was a giant can of Chef Boyardee
Chef greeted me hello
So I greeted him back
"Why haven't you become one with Chef?" Asked the can of Chef Boyardee
"Because I am a human." I replied
"Um... no." Said the can of Chef Boyardee
"Wow"
"Yes"
"Wow"
"Yes"
"This went on for some time." Said the recently deceased author
"ENOUGH." commanded Chef, destroying any other chance of a 4th wall break. "My child, you must become one with Chef Boyardee. Only then will you find your place in the universe."
"How do I become one with you?" I asked the giant can.
"You must die" responded Chef "Only after I grind you up, package you in a can of Chef Boyardee and sell you to a local Family Dollar can you truly become one with Chef Boyardee."
This brings me to where I am today
As I have just been stocked on a shelf
This is the moment Chef had told me about
I am now one with Chef Boyardee...
We love you Chef
Oh yes we do
We love you Chef
And we'll be true
When your not near us
We are blue
Oh Chef
We
Love
You

Um yes
This was a story
Now go outside and do something
...
I mean it
It is a waste of time being on electronics all day
Go play outside
-Abraham Lincoln