Hey there! Im a muffin. Not one of those tasty cake-muffins. Im afraid Im made of bread.
Being a muffin is quite an experience. For starters, you get to bet on who gets eaten next. Its a fun game until its you that dies.
You might be wondering, whats it like being killed by a giant? Well- it depends. Being toasted is a weird experience. It burns but at the same time it kind of tickles. However, some people just eat muffins without toasting us first- and not only are they insane, but it hurts like hell with not having your pain receptors burnt off first.
Some people just dont eat us and eventually we go bad. Thats when the real problem comes in. Its when were fed to the birds.
Birds are freaks. Theyre feathery and fluffy to humans, but to us theyre serial killers with no fingers and a beak. They only just pierce the bread which hurts more than when were eaten by humans. On top of that the noises they make while eating are horrible- especially when you're in its mouth.
Another thing I bet youre wondering, and the author didnt just want to add for fun: can muffins be gay? And the answer is simple: were made of bread. We dont have brains. Of course, we can. Were actually all secretly gay. My boyfriend was eaten yesterday, but he was kind of crumby in the relationship so Im not falling apart that much.
Zoning out as a muffin is bad- and I just did it for several minutes. Im now on a plate with a human about to put jam on me. If I were a human, Id be calling the pedo-squad. But Im a piece of bread; so its normal for us. Just remember next time you go to eat a muffin, please just toast us before you eat us. Youre killing us, so let us have one last happy moment in our lives.
