ready for love | spam book

a little rant about my abusive ex

before i get started this chapter does mention topics of physical abuse, suicide and forced sexual favors ( i'm not sure i explained it properly. if you read it then you may understand more of what i meant ). if either one is a trigger to you, i ask that you don't read it but it's something i do need to get off of my chest so here we go.

in october of last year, i started dating this guy that was a year younger than me. we went to the same school and we rushed into our relationship no cap. i had set boundaries about stuff that we would do sexually because that's not (and still isn't) really my thing and he was fine with it but he kept insisting that if the moment was right then we should let it happen.

that was the first red flag but me wearing my rose-colored glasses i didn't think anything bout it.

his anger was a problem but it was never directed towards me so i didn't have a problem with it ( red flag number two )

we were always on the phone and of course, when you're in the beginning of a relationship, it's perfect. but then slowly i started getting tired of it. i didn't want to be on the phone 24/7. i would be up past midnight on facetime with him during school nights when i wanted to go to sleep at 10.

he was clingy and eventually i found myself spending all of my breaks with him, when i usually spent it with my girls. ( red flag number three ).

yet on top of this, he never ever told his parents about me. (RF #4) and he had met mine, multiple times. he had been in my house a couple times and we had been on dates during our breaks during school.

this is where the sexual part comes in as a second warning :

eventually we started getting handsy. i didn't have a car in the first couple of months so we would use an empty classroom. the farthest we ever got was head before the relationship ended but i'll spare y'all the details. and remember how i mentioned it's not my thing. well there was a lot of times when i explained to him that i wasn't in the mood to do anything like that; that i preferred to just make out and nothing else. no sexual stuff.

and he was get upset. really upset. and usually he would make me feel terrible about it until i did something for him. (RF #5)

well that went on for a couple months and then there was winter break which i thought would be my haven. and the being on the phone was even worst. from wake up till we went to sleep he wanted to be on the phone. and i got more and more annoyed with it because there was stuff i wanted to do that i couldn't bc i didn't have the guts to tell him.

on the day before his birthday, i took him out to celebrate and because i didn't give him a handjob before we left, he was pissed at me the entire time. the entire date he barely said a word to me and left the restaurant a couple times before coming back the same way he left. he made me feel terrible that entire day and i ended up crying on the way back.

he THEN had the audacity to complain the next day ( which was his actual birthday) about the fact that i wouldn't come visit him and that we got to do stuff ( with my parents ) on my birthday which was a couple weeks before. it was frustrating and i ended up being in the phone with him the entire day, listening to him complain. ( RF # 6 )

we eventually went back to school and our schedules were completely opposite. i would be in class while he was on break and visa versa. I thought i was going to have time with my girls. I was wrong. he would sit outside of my classes and ask me to leave so that we could hang out ( which is important towards the end of this story ). i usually told him no because i am a firm believer in education first before anything and anyone.