Of Soot And Cinders

XXII

I sniffles and watched more tears run down his cheeks. I had to end it now, if I didn't I would ever have the courage. "I'm not your mate."

He shook his head, rocking his forehead against mine. "I don't believe that. The goddess—"

"The goddess has someone else set aside for you. Someone you will love with all your heart—"

He cut me off. "You! She made you for me. She made me for you. I know it. Don't you feel it?" His voice was so heart broken already. I could practically see the last few strings holding the pieces of his hearts together beginning to snap.

I sobbed before I answered. I did feel something. I felt the closest thing to love I would be allowed to feel for the rest of my life. But I didn't feel actual love, and I wouldn't ever. I had taken that from myself when I killed my mother. I had done this to myself and I deserved having the mark on me for it. But Grimm didn't deserve to be hurt. He hadn't sinned like I had.

"I do but—"

"Then why are you fighting it?"

"I—" I choked on my words. I had to tell him, just say it like I was tearing away a festering scab. "I don't have a mate."

He growled in frustration and brought both of his hands up to cup my own face. "The goddess gives everyone a mate—"

"Grimm—Grimm, please." I could barely see his eyes through my tears, though I could feel our combined sorrow dripping down our cheeks.

"You're my mate." He whispered it like if he said it enough it would be true. "I feel it. With all my being I feel that you are my mate."

How could I make him understand? He needed to understand soon or I wouldn't ever let go.
I pulled my hands from his cheeks and brought them to the back of my neck. The collar of my suit rose high up my throat and was laced tight with golden cord. I pulled the little bow loose and began unthreading the little piece of fabric that hid my darkest secret. Each movement of my fingers brought on another chest wrenching sob. Grimm sat mercifully silent.

Once my collar was unlaced enough to fold it over and expose my neck I reached for Grimm's hand. He let me take it and pull away so our foreheads were no longer touching. I bit my lip and took one last look at him.
Soon he would move away, revolted by me, and I would be a slave again, not allowed to look a Lord in the eye.

I moved my legs so they weren't over his but kept my left hip pressed to his right.
I pulled his hand to my throat, and guided his fingertips to where the pulse of my second heart should be. I took a deep breath and smiled in a way that I hoped would convey all my apology and thanks. I hoped he could see how much I loved him reflecting in my eyes. I hoped when he looked back on me in his memory that not all of me would be tainted by my sins.

I held his fingertips to my throat as I leaned forward over my knees. I let go of his hand, which stayed where I had brought it, and pushed my hair aside, clearing my neck so he could see my shame. My heart beat slowed. I allowed myself one large breath before holding it all in. I closed my eyes.

I felt his shift over me to get a look at what was there. I knew in the moonlight that the white scarred flesh would shine like water, and I knew as his fingers pressed deeper into my throat that he was slowly registering what he was seeing.
Even though I knew it would come I was still startled at the speed in which he pulled away from me.