Why me? ~ mark sloan

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

"Shhh." He soothed, combing his fingers through her hair as she sobbed into his chest.

"It's alright, calm down." He whispered and she looked up at him incredulously, not recognising his face in her dream-like haze.

"How can I calm down? He's dead. There's no saving him." She yelled, jumping out of Mark's arms and standing up, rubbing her temples as she continued to hyperventilate, not being able to feel her legs from the lack of oxygen. 

"There's no saving him." She whispered, collapsing to the floor as her legs gave way, the sorrow and pain that she had put off from feeling for so long flooding her body all at once.

"Hey. Hey, it's okay." He whispered, pulling her head into his lap as she laid down on the floor, her breathing calming down slightly as he placed soft kisses on her hairline. She suddenly came back to her senses, recognising where she was and what was going on. 

"Mark?" She whispered, not looking up at him.

"Yeah. I'm here." He whispered back, stroking her hair calmingly, "Do you wanna go back to bed?" He asks and she nods slowly getting up off of his lap and climbing into the bed as he followed after her, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her back into to his chest.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asked quietly and she hummed in response.

"Not really, not now." She whispered back and she felt him nod against her shoulder, his stubble tickling her lightly.

"Night." He breathed.

"Night." She replied, closing her eyes and reminding herself that she had Mark to defend her if the nightmares came back again.

***

Vanessa trudged through the hospital, her interns following her quickly. She sent them all to do her work, not wanting to do much work today. Avoiding Mark was work enough.

After her breakdown last night she felt more embarrassed than she had ever felt in her life. She had also realised that she would have to tell Mark about her ex fiance at some point and she wasn't ready to re-open old wounds. Even if they hadn't healed yet.

"Vanessa. Everything okay? You've been acting weird all day." Owen came up behind her and she turned to him, sadness clear across her features.

"Last night I had a...breakdown. Nightmare about...him. Woke up, fell off of the bed and sobbed into Mark for around 20 minutes. Now I realise I have to tell him." She blurted, dropping her arms to her sides tiredly.

"Ah." Owen said simply, patting her arm and walking away swiftly - not wanting to deal with the drama that would certainly follow his sister today.

She sighed, shaking her head at her brother as he walked away.

"Vanessa." She heard Mark's voice behind her and she took a deep breath in before turning around and smiling at him, trying to trick him into believing everything was fine.

"Mark." She breathed, still smiling widely at him as he looked at her with a concerned look.

"Everything alright?" She followed and he pulled her arm, taking her into an on call room. When he closed the door she sighed, sitting on the bed and placing her head in her hands.

"Vanessa talk to me. What happened last night?" He questioned, crouching down in-front of her and placing his hands on her knees.

"Nothing. Just a nightmare." She tried to shrug it off but Mark just gave her a look, raising his eyebrows at her in disbelief.

"I uh... when I was a medic in the army I was engaged." She started and Mark widened his eyes slightly, taking the information in, "He died. Gunshot wound. I tried to save him - I tried." She whispered, not looking at the man in-front of her.

"Vanessa..." He breathed, sympathy lacing his voice as he looked at her.

"I was pregnant. With his baby, when he died." She sighed and Mark's grip on her knees tightened.

"What...what happened to the baby?" He asked quietly, knowing the answer already.

"The same day I ran out to help someone in the field...bomb exploded, knocked me back while another one went off, I was buried in the shrapnel and no-one could get me out. I woke up hearing Owen screaming, trying to get the stuff off of me," A tear slid down her cheek, "I don't remember what happened or how long I was down there but I woke up in a hospital. Went from there." 

Mark just wiped the tear with the pad of his thumb, his hand staying on her cheek. She leaned into the touch, needing as much comfort as she could get. 

He leaned his forehead against hers, giving her support as tears slid silently down her cheeks. He wiped away as many as he could, kissing away the others as she moved down, leaning her head on his chest and sobbing as he rested his chin on her head.

"It's okay. I'm here." He whispered over and over again to soothe her. 

"Thank you." She mumbled into his chest, having no real words to express her emotions. Sadness for her ex family, gratitude for Mark, confusion for her current situation - it was all very emotional for her but Mark was there, helping her through it all.

************************************************************

A/N: This chapter wasn't very medical at all but i think it was critical to establish Vanessa's character and it feels really rushed and unfinished so I'm sorry but it's late and I'm tired so :(

no proofreading still (;

Thanks for reading :)