Dynamic Tides

Chapter One: Distractions

I have always tried to make my life worth a while; because I grew up believing that, on my deathbed, I will see flashes of the one I have led. Yet, here I am, being rushed to the ER, with no flashes, no accomplishments.
Only the lights in the corridor passing by.
One...
After another...
I pray I do not make it.
I want to die.

**Five years earlier**

I had just gotten out of the shower, getting ready for bed, when my phone beeped.

I reached for it, checking who might be texting at such an hour. As I went on reading it, it felt as if a bucket of ice had dropped in my stomach.

Hey Mia!
I have been looking for a way to contact you for years.
I just want to tell you that I am really sorry.
I never meant to hurt you. I wish things were different.
I was a mess. My life was a mess. I could not see how you fit in it.
You were too good to be true.
I wish you could find it in you to forgive me.
To give "us" another chance. I have missed you.
I love you, always did and always will.

I instantly knew it was Aaron. My high school boyfriend and the love of my life.

Memories of our relationship rushed back to me as soon as I finished reading his message. We were happy and we barely argued. I thought nothing could ever come between us. But we were always on and off. Until he finally stopped returning my calls and texts. All so suddenly. After a couple of times, I, naturally, stopped even trying. I can remember the pain I felt. It still even aches when I think about it. This changed me. Since then, I have decided to take charge of my life. I never fell for anyone else and I never will.

I was hesitant at first; I did not know what to do. I felt suffocated for I have never even gotten my closure. I thought it is time I do.

Without further hesitation, I texted him back.

It has been five years, Aaron.
Your apology is quite too late, don't you think?

I got into the bed, put my phone on the side table, and turned over, ready to sleep. Overthinking took over me and I started recalling every good and bad memory of him. I remembered the pain I felt. I had blamed myself for years.

'I must have done something wrong.' I always thought.

And yet... I was never able to fill the void he left in my heart. And it was never the same without him until I met Josh. Josh and I had been best friends for a few years then. I was volunteering at the animal shelter, when we met. We talked every few months, mainly, because he worked in Africa. He was the only one my heart skipped a beat for, other than Aaron at least. Unfortunately, I was too blind to see it back then. After all, I had sworn I would never let another person touch my heart. I have never thought I could fall in love again.

I have never been the kind to regret anything I did. At least I was keeping my promise to myself. I knew when I started building up those walls that a time will come when I would miss the feeling. I cannot deny it. It is like an instinct. We always want to take care of someone, pamper them, and even be pampered in return.

It is always nice and reassuring having someone to lean upon when the storm is unendurable. No matter how strong and independent we are.

Just as I closed my eyes to force sleep, I heard another beep.

'Oh God,' I thought as I reached for my phone.

I know! I was wrong. I never meant to hurt you. I just could not be...
I cannot explain. Would you go out with me some time? We can catch up and I can explain.
I know I do not deserve another chance; but please give me this one.
I will make everything up to you. I promise.