Unloved

Chapter 1

Who am I? What do I want from this world? Why do I watch countless romance movies and gaze upon them hoping it was me. Most importantly why in the hell do I read the novels that rip my heart in two; probably because of the fact its the only familiar feeling I know.

When I was just a Junior at West Field High I dated a guy named Paul Hiesley. I remembered thinking...he's my everything; the way he looked at me. His skin a smooth dark succulent chocolate; sometimes I fantasized about taking a bite out of him. It was also when I met him I found out how love can be so beautiful and yet cruel.

As cliché as it gets I wasn't the most popular in highschool and paul was our senior year quaterback.  It was something of a miracle when a dark haired, braceface girl like me snagged him....but did I really.

We met July 1st 2017.

The rain was pouring heavier then, the amount of divorce papers sitting across lawyer's desks.  The school would be empty if not for me and the football practice that's held every afterschool.  I remember holding my unbrella in my small feeble hands as the wind fought to snatch it from my grips.  The way the cold damp air wrapped around my body through my thing pink polka dot shirt and blue jean skirt.  How my white tennis digged into the mud; and how my eyes counted the cars as I searched for my moms.

It was there he appeared asking me if i needed a ride.  Ofcourse naturally you would think a girl like me would refuse but, I'll be a fool to try an play prideful in this rain.  Without a protest I got into the car shutting the door, not before apologizing 20 times for the mud on the floor of his mustang.

The drive was quick but, I would catch him sneaking glances at me.  Tucking my hair behind my ears I managed to catch sight of my appearance and almost died of embarassment.  I never prayed so harder to just be able to teleport.

Here I was in a car my umbrella that had did barely anything to shield me from the rain.  My shirt turned now see through and my nipples on parade. Every inch of my shirt sticking to me.

When I arrived at my stop the only words muttered from him was that if I ever need a ride never hesitate; since he lived a couple blocks down.

I smiled, silently nodding.

The next day after that paul would always wait afterschool offering me a ride and I would always say yes.

Maybe I'm a fool. Maybe I'm just idiotic for thinking getting into a quaterback car every afterschool isnt a big deal. Or that the social heirarchy can go to hell.

Probably the first one.  Definitely the first one.

Car rides slowly became subtle touches to my thighs and from there little secret spots to kiss. Inside of me I wanted more than just that. So one day on our afterschool drive I told him.

I made the first move and the biggest mistake.

I told him I want more than just this. Whatever this is, I want to be your girlfriend.  I watched as he chuckled and my heart sank.  I also watched as he took his hand and lifted my cheek as he kissed it. I watched as he muttered the words "you were always mine".  It wasn't a yes but, it felt like a yes.

I kissed him so hard I couldn't even breathe. I didn't want to breathe.

But, like that it sank again when I would try to talk to him in the hallways and he ignored me.

When I touched him infront of his friends and he recoiled from my touch.

When every afterschool his touches became more eager and harsher.  His kisses feeling more of demand then tenderness.

For months it felt like this.  It probably hurted more when I saw him with other girls.   After awhile things worsened (4) four months into this made up relationship.  I would wait like a fool afterschool as the rides slowly seist and a walk home would satisfy my broken heart.

It was one afterschool in perticicular like the day we met; it poured cats and dogs.  As I kicked pebbles across the mud walking home that's when I saw a familiar mustang shaking vibrantly.  My heart almost stopped when I saw pauls naked body gripping her blonde tight curls as she rode him.

The walk home was sad, depressing and full of tears.

Days went by of us not speaking and naturally word around school was that he was dating queen bee "Heather".

But out of all the hurt he caused and I allowed. Nothing prepared me for this.

January 2018

I walked the halls of school when I was stopped by a male freshman seeking directions.  While showing him I spotted paul staring at me as he rumaged through his locker. Quickly in an escape to avoid him I grabbed the freshmans hands leading him towards a different direction.

After the brief tour as I began to walk home as I noticed paul's mustang pulled on the side.

I remember watching him lean on his car as he watched me come closer and closer in view.

I remember us standing there going back and fourth. Him screaming i'm just a slutting giving it to a freshman instead of him.  How he worked on me for months and never even gotting a piece.  Tears filling my eyes as I just yelled stop it! You never wanted me and you knew it!  But, when i yelled "F**k off paul" while pushing him onto his mustang.

That was the strigger. The strigger I pulled.

I stand helpless as he slapped me, gripping my arm, and dragging me into the car.

I could almost hear my screams. Everytime I reached for the door as I got beating, choked and slapped when I fought to escape.

Or my muffled crys when he teared my shirt and gripped my breast forcefully.

Maybe it was when he gripped my face turning me on my back and pushing himself inside me.  Opening me wider and wider.  I felt dirty, rotten, and nasty.  To think I once cared for him.  As he tarnished my body I regretted every momment of my existance and his in my life.

When he was done he throwed me out of his car to walk home bloody and without my virginity.

I weeped, got stares, and whispers along the way home. Thankfully like most day's my mom wasn't home.  By the time I was done scrubbing my body it was raw, the blood dripping down my body filled the tub with the color red. 

I winced as I exited the bathroom. Taking every step in pain and emptiness.

I dressed in a baggy shirt and pants to hide my wounds.   Cradling myself for hours on my bed.   Tears streaming down my face like waterfalls.

That was my first attempt at love and my first mistake.

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Åuthors Notes:
I hope you liked and enjoyed this first chapter make sure to leave a comment and a vote! I appreciate all the love and love of my silent readers. CHAPTER 2 will be posted Friday, but if we can get this to ten votes🤗👌👌👌👌 I'll make it Thursday.