rare. |a.k.|

fifty nine|separation

"Don't you feel it? Or is it just me?"

"Awsten, what do you m-"

"US! The fucking separation! I hate it! How can you not feel that we're drifting apart? "

I sat in silence, feeling my eyes start to burn.

"Dammit Charlie, I don't know what's going on in my head. I'm sorry. I gotta go."

I watched the screen go blurry as the "call ended" screen appeared. I closed my eyes and heard the drop of tears hit the table.

I hate fighting. Especially with someone I love over something that can be avoided.

I don't even know what happened. Awsten started talking about how he was sorry. I didn't really know what that meant, so I said it was okay and it wasn't his fault. He started arguing and saying it was, I still didn't know what "it" was. So I asked him and he got really pissed.

He didn't say I love you as he hung up.

Everything felt empty. My breath was shaky as I inhaled and I felt myself try to sob. I, although a grown woman, wanted to hug my mom. I wanted to talk about space with Emma. I wanted to stalk celebrities on social media with Jessie. I missed my family.

I wiped my face and stood up, starting to get mad. It's not my fault that he feels far away. I call him and he never answers. I answer his calls whenever I can. I'm actually trying. I know he's busy, but I also know that half the time, he's probably just walking around whatever city they're in.

Chloe told me her and Geoff had a rough time the first time he was gone for this long. She said you just have to understand that they're stressed and get through it because it gets easier over time.

That's what I've been doing. But Awsten's the one losing it. I try to calm him down but he won't listen. That's not my fucking fault.

I'm so tired.

Still crying, I walked into the bedroom and threw my bag on the bed. I shoved in clothes and shoes, then went to get my travel bag with my toothbrush, hair brush, face wash etcetera.

I grabbed my laptop and looked up flights to Houston. I had to get out of here.

•••

"Hey, I like your beanie."

I looked at the guy who was sitting next to me and adjusted my Dunder Mifflin hat.

"Thanks."

The announcements had just ended and I was trying to brace myself for take off.

"So, what's in Houston for you?" He asked, obviously trying to keep the conversation.

"Family and friends, how 'bout you?"

"Home."

I nodded understandingly. I glanced at him, seeing him looking down at his phone.

"So uh," he cleared his throat, turning his attention back to me, "what's your name?"

"Charlie."

"I'm Spencer, nice to meet you Charlie."

He stuck out his hand and I started shaking it. When I felt turbulence, I instinctively gripped his hand making him laugh.

"Oh, sorry," I looked at our hands, my face turning red.

"You're all good. Not good with planes?"

I shook my head.

"Not really a big fan of heights either."