Sanctuary

Chapter Twenty Three

It hurt.

It hurt a lot. Jake was curled up in the bunk he shared with his mate, clutching Daegel's pillow like Daegel himself would disappear should he let go. A hole had been clawed into his chest, taking his heart with it. During his Turning, Jake had been abandoned, and that had almost killed him. But Daegel had come back then, now he couldn't. Jake clutched the pillow tighter, It's my fault. The thought had been consuming him as fast as the cavity of loss and fear. It's my fault Daegel and Raven are gone, I wasn't strong enough. All he could do was watch as Daegel fought a losing battle to protect him, and let that monster take the person who mattered more to him than anything in the world.

Three days. Three days since that morning. Three nights of fretting, panic, and desperate tracking. Inside, Jake was crumbling. As was Cahya. It was clear Onyx was doing everything she could to keep her devastated pack functioning, despite feeling the separation herself. Cahya had assured Jake that Daegel and Raven being taken was not his fault, but Jake couldn't bring himself to look Cahya in the face when the pack leader cried silently during those last moments before sunrise.

The ground had seemingly fallen from under his feet every time he got out of bed. A dark beast roamed around every corner, just out of sight, never out of mind. What kept him going, kept his empty shell moving, was needing to get Daegel and Raven back. All night was spent tracking down Amos and the two. No tears were shed then, it was the time alone where the tears fell, mourning the part of them that was missing as they clung to hope.

Somewhere, out there, Daegel was suffering at the hands of a monster. If nothing else, Jake had to do this. But every time he saw Cahya's heartbroken face, or Onyx's silently crying in the driver's seat when she thought the other two weren't near, or felt that horrible hollow ache of longing and failure and grief, he was left to question how much he could take.

With a harsh scraping, the heavy black curtain of the bunk was drawn back, revealing Cahya standing there. In all honesty, he looked like shit. Exhaustion painted dark circles under his eyes and weighed heavily on his shoulders. No makeup adorned his face, long since washed away, and his hair hung in a limp, messy mop. Red, bloodshot scleras rimmed his darkened gold irises. Jake had never seen Cahya look so... broken.

Cahya didn't say anything, just stood there stock still. As bad as the man before him looked, Jake knew he looked about the same, if not worse. But Cahya was the leader of their pack, not only did he think he had failed as a leader by allowing two of their brothers to be taken as he lay in a coma, but he hadn't been there to protect and fight for his mate. Guilt hit Jake like a freight train, and he opened his mouth to apologise tearfully for the billionth time. Before he could utter a word, Cahya held out a hand to silence him.

"Don't. It isn't your fault." His voice was hoarse, unused but for guiding his remaining pack members to track Daegel and Raven. "If anything, it's mine."

"No it isn't. That motherfucker crossed a line, and I'm going to kill him." Jake didn't look particularly threatening at that time, but his eyes blazed with indescribable pain and fury. If Cahya didn't know Amos, he'd be tempted to believe Jake just from the look in his eyes.

Saying nothing, Cahya just nodded. Minutely, his shoulders began to shake with suppressed sobs. Sitting upright, Jake grasped Cahya's shoulders and guided the much taller vampire to sit on the bed beside him. A moment passed, then Cahya burst into tears, finally breaking under the pressure that had been building within all of them over the last few days.

Wrapping his arms around his brother, Jake started to sob as well. The door to the bunks opened, and Onyx walked in. Jake hadn't realised the bus had pulled over. "Ten minutes to-" She trailed off as she took in the state of her brothers. Making her way over, Onyx fell to her knees in front of the bed, wishing she could alleviate their suffering. Yes, her mate was out of the country, but Scarlett was safe and they talked most days. Raven and Daegel had been taken, and whether they were even alive couldn't be known for sure.