Fortitude

1-Fifteen

The sound of a police siren made them diperse like a colony of ants in distress. I was glued to my seat, head still in my hands with the persistent ringing in my ears still resident. I waited for one of them to come and arrest me or something.

I sat there for quite a while as I tried to steady my breathing. Everything suddenly seemed so quiet. Peace transcending in a way that I just couldn't understand. I looked up all I wanted to do was go home. I later sat on my bed staring with disgust at the shoe boxes in my room.

Fifteen freaking pairs of kicks bro.
Wow.

The reality sunk in and drowned me in a dark valley of 'what next'. I stacked up the boxes into a corner of my closet. I wanted to see them but I also didn't want to. Day after day after that I drowned deeper and deeper. The crystal clear water of the sea I was in was far out of reach. I looked up but all I saw was blue, deep deep dark blue. The suffocation became more and more surreal. I didn't get out of bed for days. Didn't really see the point anyway.

It's happening again.

I woke up on one Monday morning to pack a bag. I was determined to get this over with. I informed Tanya of my decision and wrote a letter to my dad simply because I knew he wouldn't buy the story and I didn't want to be present for that.

Tanya got me enough boxes and helped me fill them all with all the unnecessary clutter I accumulated with every episode. With clothes, watches, electronic gadgets and the shoes packed up and labelled DONATION, I was good to go. She however insisted I keep one pair as a memento. I declined and sealed the box.

》《

The two hour drive to the rehabilitation centre felt like an eternity. I rested my head on the window of the passenger seat throughout the ride, counting trees to keep myself from changing my mind. The vegetation cleared and a homely structure was in view.

Tanya secured a spot on the parking lot and turned off the ignition. She took in a deep breath then exhaled and turned to me.

"Are you ready? "

"It's about time right?" I said back with a lopsided smile.

We both alighted. I went over to the trunk to pull out a suitcase I had packed for this. I pulled out the handle, tilted it to a suitable position, and pulled it behind me as I followed Tanya's bouncing ponytail into the centre.

As we sat and waited for further instructions, my right leg couldn't stop bopping up and down. Anxiety took over me each time I inhaled the predominant hospital smell of what would be my home for the next couple of weeks. Tanya gently placed her hand on my thigh and gave me an assuring smile.

"It'll be fine."

This girl saw me through countless highs and lows. But that moment remained embroidered into my memory. Her brown eyes looked deep into me; watery, sad, loving, caring, hopeful. I knew she was going through a flurry of mixed emotions just as I was but the hope in her eyes that day has kept me going till date.

"Taji Fumo? "

We simultaneously turned to the female voice that called out my name.

"My name is Diana, I will be your assistant throughout your stay here." exchanging hand shakes with Tanya and I. "Please follow me and I'll show you to your room."

The room was much simpler than what I was used to but way better than better than what I was expecting. The walls were a calming shade of light blue. The bed was okay with two small blue drawers on either side of it. The window appeared to stand tall in the room, an illusion created by the curtains that hung along the full height of the wall. A chest of drawers was placed opposite the foot of the bed along the wall that connected the room to a shower and toilet. The room was small but not in a way that would make one feel claustrophobic. I liked it.

Diana explained the nitty gritty details of everything I needed to know as Tanya did what she always did best; crack jokes about everything to lighten up the mood. My heart began sinking slightly as I watched the two ladies laugh heartily, realising how much I'd miss my dear sister. And that became my new home for three months.

》《

Now that I was back to the real world, I couldn't stay another day at Tanya's. Alex, her husband, complained that I was taking too much of his wife's attention. He also didn't miss a single opportunity to make it clear that I was nothing but a weirdo who deserves to be in a mental asylum for life. These weren't serene conditions for someone who needed to recover.

I had two other elder twin sisters; Terry and Tessa. They loved me and all but they lived in the UK. So basically, all I had was me. Fun right?

Sigh.

I dried my hair and got dressed in a black tee and grey shorts. I held my hair up in a man bun and walked downstairs to see if there was anyone around.

I found three sandwiches on a plate on the kitchen island with a sicky note that read TAJI with a little doddle crown. My heart simply melted at the little things that she always did for me. I put them in a dish, picked up my phone and headed for my car. I was determined to find somewhere I can call home.