FanMail | Malum

^Four^

"I'm tired," she says after a while. She gives me a forced pat on the head, and walks out of my room without another word.

Why can't someone love me.

To; Sissy
'IM CRYING WHY DIDNT U GIVE HIM MY NUMBER'

From; Sissy
'HES GONNA TRY AND WRITE YOU BACK EVENTUALLY, CALM YO TITS'

i smile, knowing in my heart only Calum and my sister could make me feel something. Emotions. Love. Excitement. Making my depression not so permanent but temporary. It felt good to not feel so empty for once.

But the emptiness returns eventually.

It always does.

--
"Please, Shawn. Not today," I whimper pleadingly. We were up in his room 'studying' and he decided to try making a move on me as per usual. And okay, we're boyfriends I get it but after he's done things forcefully to me time and time again It doesn't feel right. I feel even more worthless than I already do when I'm around him. He hurts me.

I fear him.

"Why not baby?" He whines unattractively, "I just want to make you feel good.

No, you want me to make you feel good or else i leave with bruises

"I don't care, Shawn. We're studying right now." He ignores me completely.

"My parents are home Til tommorow, sweetness. We can do whatever we want," he says lowly in what's supposed to be a seductive tone of voice but just ends up sounding constipated. And okay, if there's any empathy I feel towards my asshole of a 'boyfriend' it's that his parents couldn't give two shits about him. He can join the club, honestly.

"Look, I really gotta study for this test," I say more sternly. "Finals are coming up and you know that." He stares at me a long moment, and i gulp, knowing what was next.

"Thought we talked about this already, Michael." He says, skin flushing red with internalized anger. I feel my breathe quicken though this 'conversation' has happened many times. "I tell you want to do, and you listen. Or else." I narrow my eyes, and he notices but pays no mind. "Now," he says, gripping my wrists and I'm praying to every power out there that he doesn't pull up my sleeves.

He does.

"Now," he says again, eyes focused on my eyes and not my wrists and I'm grateful. "I try and be Mr. Nice guy and ask you politely to be intimate with your boyfriend but apparently that's too difficult for you to process. You always want this the hard way, don't you?" He tsks at me. No, asshole, i don't. His eyes grow more furious with each second that passes in silence. "Answer me, you bitch!" He screams, pushing our text books off my lap and onto the floor.

"N-no Shawn." Tears start to appear behind my ears signifying just how weak and disgusting I am. He voices my thoughts, starting to unzip his own jeans.

"You're awful, you know that right?"

Yes.

"You fucking whore, that's why you're still with me. You touch me and I touch you and you let it happen because hit know I'm all you got. Everyone else has already abandoned you." He spits, and the building tears let their way down my cheeks streaming down with slight mascara as well. It didn't matter though, he never stops with the tears. "Aw don't cry, sweetie." He was touching himself now. "You'll be feeling good soon enough." My sobs gradually grow louder, and when he reaches to pull my shirt off, I flinch away.

"N-no! Stop, please. I don't w-want this I want to go home. L-leave me the fuck alone Shawn!!" His eyes widen a bit at my sudden tone, but otherwise he's Unphased. It was stupid of bs to speak up, all it does is make him more pissed off and I get hurt worse. He stares at me a moment before scooting forward to grip my face in his nasty, sweaty hands. For a moment I think he's trying to be intimate but of course I'm wrong as he brings his other hand up to slap me across the face. Hard. I bring my hand up to stroke my bruised skin and whimper. He wipes away a stray tear.

"No point in Screamin or crying darlin. No one'll hear." He says gently.

And i know he is right.

--

Dear Calum Hood,

Help.

Michael G. Clifford

*********************************

i hope this chapter was alright.

if you have any letter requests, like fanmails you want sent to the boys by you, just comment them :)

Also comment what i should call you guies, my malum readers.

gonna go continue sobbing over Michael's hair ily all x