to be found

for the one with one too many scars

to the boy i knew so long ago,

i hope you are well today. it has been a long time, yet also it passes too quickly--all of the sudden i'm here in my last days of the fifth semester. alone, weary. perhaps it is me who chooses to be as such. there are things better left unsaid, better left in the dark, and for that i am sorry for cutting off contacts with you. for not trying to reach out. it does not mean i stop caring, it just means people have their own timing in our lives.

we aren't meant to stay. as much as we fixate on the idea of having someone to be the answer, nobody could ever be the answer. i hope the time you've spent away have made you grow into the person you could be proud of.

the truth is a three dimensional shape, there are many sides of what is true and most of the time, we do not see the sides other than the ones already in front of us. maybe i'm a villain in your story. maybe you are meant to be a lesson. all of us play a part in someone else's story, though most of the times it just isn't clear of which part we're supposed to be. at first, all the signs may point to me being the heroic protagonist who has come to save you from your misery, but life is awfully funny in twisting the roads and we end up with a different truth. i left you, i destroyed your trust. no matter the reason, that is what i did. i am not saying that what i did was right, but i did what i had to do to make you arrive at this point in your life.

you have proven yourself that you're stronger than what your past self believe. even with all the shits life had thrown at you, you have managed to survive--no matter how bruised and weary. what matters is you are here, living and breathing. we're meant to suffer, anyway. might as well try to enjoy the things keeping us alive.

i'm sorry for the things i have put you through, but i would not change my decisions--there is no doubt for that. you have made me learn a great deal about life, how sometimes letting go is the best (and only) option, even if it meant hurting ones we care about. sometimes people have to leave and we have to be ready to have their absence instead.

at the end, i just want to thank you for being a part of my life--whatever it is you're meant to be. my life after you had been a roller coaster, one i'm awfully grateful of. every day, i am reminded of the endless things to be thankful of. i hope you have not lost the light of hope within you, i hope life treats you kindly. wherever it is we may end up in this little universe, i truly wish you peace and happiness.

take care.