butterflies || lunch club x reader [ DISCONTINUED ]

ten

"I don't know what I want either," I breathe shakily, more tears flowing. "I just want this to stop being so complicated." I can't stop the tears coming and my sniffling.

Schlatt sighs heavily, staring down at me. Slowly, he stretches out his arms and says gently, "Come here."

I hesitate. I don't want any thing from Schlatt right now, but at the same time, all I want is to be held and feel safe. And this is my only option standing here in the kitchen. So I stumble forward, landing hard on Schlatt. His arms wrap around me like Ted's, just holding me there against him.

And I sob and sob into his chest, not even thinking about anything in particular. Just wishing things would calm down on their own. And that I wouldn't cry so goddamn much.

I feel Schlatt lean down, breathing into my hair, "I'm sorry." I can't do anything but bawl my eyes out like a baby. "Y/n, if you want me to back off, just tell me. I just need to know straight up."

"I don't know," I heave into him. "I don't know what I want anymore. I want two different things, and I don't know what to do."

"Would those two 'things' happen to be me and Ted?"

"Maybe," I sigh, not quite sure myself. Do I want Schlatt? Hell, do I want Ted? What are we? Where do I go with either of them? "I don't know what I want with either of you."

Silence takes over us. I can feel Schlatt rubbing little circles into my back with one finger, and it's the most soothing feeling ever. I'm starting to calm down a little, still not wanting him to let go.

Before I even think the question, I mumble into him, "Is it selfish to want both?"

"No," Schlatt answers immediately. After a pause, he continues, "I just don't know what you should do. Which sucks because I always know what to do."

I decide, "It's okay. You don't have to know what to do."

Despite what I say, Schlatt still tries to offer advice. It's just the kind of guy he is, I've learned. "I think you should just do whatever feels right at the time. Don't think about what it's going to be later."

"I'm already doing that, Schlatt. It's not working."

I look up at him, still pressed into his chest. He looks down for less than a second before placing a quick kiss to my forehead that my makes my heart skip a beat.

"Then do it more," he tells me, staring into my eyes. "You're clearly thinking about it a little because you're worried about wanting two different things. Just don't think about what's going to happen. Live in the moment."

My mind spirals at hearing Schlatt say that. Spirals back to Sunday night at that party, back to what he told me then.

I try to think, but it's difficult.  We're pressed together like magnets, sharing warmth between us.  I think I can smell the alcohol on Schlatt's breath, and his eyes are staring through my own and directly into my soul.  I'm hypersensitive.  I can feel everything, every curve of his body against mine.

My mouth bursts with my troubled thoughts, pouring words out.  "I have a date with Ted tomorrow, and you're at least tipsy.  I don't know what to do with any of this."

"Enjoy it," he simply suggests.  "Think about it later.  Live in the moment, y'know?"

"So," I breathe back, "Just don't think about anything that'll come of it?"

"Yeah. You're not tied down, why would you give that up?"

"So.. you don't care about the whole 'You and Ted are seeing each other' thing any more?"

"Well, if you're going to be looser, then why should it matter? You guys aren't serious right now."

I think for a minute. I think I get what Schlatt's trying to say now, but he just beats around the bush so much. If I just don't make anything serious, I can have both of them. Not to the fullest extent, but I still get to be stupid and run around with them. And that's all I need so that I don't stress about the future.

"Okay," I nod. "You're right."

He smirks that stupid smirk, chuckling, "What did I say, Y/n? I'm always right."

"Shut up," I giggle back.

"As much as I love standing here with you, we should get back out there," Schlatt suggests.

"Okay, fine," I sigh dramatically. "But only on one condition."

He raises one eyebrow, asking, "And that would be?"

"Kiss me."

Bold for me, I know. This is far beyond my comfort zone, but that place is long forgotten now.

And in an instant, Schlatt's leaning down and I'm on the tip of my toes. Both of us are holding each other as our lips meet for the second time tonight, this time less harshly. It's slow and perfect, and I'm moving in perfect time with him.

The moment progresses quickly, Schlatt's hands roaming my body. One flows down over my ass, the other crawling upward until it's at the base of my skull, deepening the kiss. It's all I've ever wanted and more. I grip on tighter to his waist, digging my nails in, and he reciprocates the action where his lower hand is.

It drives me wild, but I have to pull back for a break. My breathing is weird, and I can't do anything but stare up into Schlatt's eyes.

"Fuck, Y/n," Schlatt huffs, his voice deeper than usual. "We can't do this here. We have to go back out there."

"I know," I answer, "But I don't want to." All I want is to be here with Schlatt, feel his body on mine, feel his scruff on my face.

"Me either, but we have to. We can come back to this another time, when it's just the two of us."

"Okay," I finally agree. "Let's get back to everybody."