geed | clairo

eleven

"hey, how about i fix us some wine and we can hang out in my room?" i offered.

"that sounds good." i got up and walked to the pantry, on the search for both wine and glasses.

lara sat on my bed, sipping her glass of rosé while i connected my phone to the bluetooth speakers in my room.

"any requests?" i asked.

"put on lana's latest album," replied lara. i searched for it and pressed shuffle. i sat next to lara on my bed, holding my glass while she seemed to take the music in.

"god, i love this album," said lara, breaking our silence. she was now finished with her glass and i gulped the rest of mine down so i could set my glass on my nightstand the night. i laid back in my bed and my hands behind my head. lara followed my cue and buried her face in the crook of my neck and placed a hand on my chest.

"this is a weird question, but i kinda wanna know the answer," began lara.

"shoot."

"how many girls have you slept with?"

"six. how many guys have you slept with?" i retorted.

"two."

"you're not the player i thought you were." lara scoffed at my joke.

"i'd rather not hit it and quit it," she explained.

"i'd rather not either. i like being in a relationship. i like consistency." her head was now on my chest, moving up and down slightly with every breath i took.

"be honest, would you be in a relationship with me?" questioned lara.

"yes."

"we should do that sometime. i like this," said lara.

"you're really nice to hold. and i like your songs. i like your face, i like your hair, i like everything," i rambled. the rosé hit just a little bit too hard.

"you're really sweet, paul. like you're genuinely sweet. you don't have anything to prove and-and you're not just doing it to get laid. why don't you have a steady girlfriend?" asked lara.

"i'm not really sure. why don't you have a steady boyfriend?"

"i just can't seem to find the right guy, you know? i wanna find the guy who i'll think about at night for good reasons, not wondering if i'm good enough for him," she explained. lara had her face buried in my chest and i craned my neck to give her a kiss on the top of her head.

"i wanna date you. i wanna have moments like this all the time, i wanna listen to you perform, i wanna bring you to events as my date, i-i wanna do it all with you," i said. lara shifted herself so that our faces were now level and she kissed me on the lips.

i poured more wine for lara while she poured out her guts. she described how scared she was of me deciding i didn't like her, how much she truly liked me and being with me and the fact that she liked having sex but she was scared that guys would find out and use it just to hook up with her.

i began to spill my guts to her too. i told her about how weird i felt after every meaningless hookup, how i felt that i had to be with georgie since it was expected not that i actually wanted it and how much i actually liked her, despite the fact that we were so different.

"paul joseph francis, you are my favorite frat boy."

"lara katherine holland, you're my favorite geed."

lara and i kept talking, and before we knew it, it was 1am and i was fucking starving. there was a pizza place that i knew was open so i consulted lara about her preferences and we settled on a vegetarian option. after forty-five minutes, the doorbell rang and i left lara in my bed so i could get it. we had both changed our clothing: i was wearing a gray lsu t-shirt with navy sweatpants and i lent lara a pair of boxers adorned with hearts and the cross country sweatshirt i had gotten my first semester of college.

i opened the door and gave the delivery guy $30, including a large tip for the late night delivery and waved at him as he left. i set the pizza on the kitchen table in the dining room and i grabbed two plates as lara came out of my room.

"hey, someone's been calling your phone," she said, handing me my phone as i checked the notifications. there were several calls from spencer and a slew of texts from both him and jesse. i checked the most recent messages.

spencer knight:
are u in br rn?
sam said he's at his parents house and he's about to kill himself
jesse and i are about an hour away but u gotta get there
i can't lose him

spencer sent me his address and it turned out to be roughly fifteen minutes away from my place. i left lara at my house for the simple fact that i didn't want her to possibly see anything traumatic or horrifying. i pulled into the driveway and quickly got out of my truck and bolted to his front door, knocking loudly.

"sam! it's paul. please open up!" i shouted, hoping he was able to answer. after a few minutes of anxiety that made me feel queasy enough to throw up on his front porch step, i heard the door open and sam appeared. his dark hair was messy as if he had lost a battle with the wind and the dark circles under his eyes made him look even paler than usual.

sam's house was the closest one could get to a mansion in a baton rouge neighborhood. without even focusing, i spotted a spiral staircase, intricate light fixtures and several portraits, including one of him and his dog, all in his expansive living room.

"i'm-i'm so sorry. i'm so sorry," began sam. he was now in front of me, his face beginning to turn red from sobbing. i grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, feeling his heaving sobs against my chest.