letters to her; a collection of poems

Part 2

stars

i thought of the stars as art

you wanted to know about them

you read about the universe

studied Galileo

you wanted to understand

and you loved the learning

and i saw you drinking up knowledge

i saw you caring so deeply

and i loved you

i wonder

i wonder if you ever put your

heart and soul into your projects anymore

i wonder if you ever care about

everything as deeply as you did then

i wonder if the passionate,

bright,

girl i knew

with sparkling eyes

still exists.

caring

i guess what i'm trying to say

is that i loved the way you cared so deeply about everything.

and it makes me want to cry

to know who you are now,

tough exterior,

funny and likeable

but you don't seem to care about anything.

i guess that's what happens when you've moved on.

boys

every so often, i ask about you

the answer is always the same

you have a new boyfriend,

and you feel so happy with him.

the story is always the same.

you've gotten to be a bit of a player, love.

i guess i can't judge,

what with my years of

boys and boys and boys

(not knowing myself)

but it still hurts me.

and i ask myself

hiding

are you hiding?

barricading yourself in popularity and cheap laughs?

obsessing over boys to drown out the voice saying

that this isn't right?

stifling your passion to seem more cool?

i don't know the answer

projecting

maybe i am just projecting

after we were apart i hid myself

built up another person for me to be

i made friends and surrounded myself with people

laughs are cheap

i even did my share of obsessing over boys.

now, i am praying that i didn't stifle my passions for too long.

growing

now, i am growing again.

i know who i am better than ever before.

i try not to hide myself

i feel genuine

and i am friends with good people who care about me.

roadblock

i don't know why

maybe it's also why i am writing you these poems

but i still haven't felt as real as when i was with you.

and i miss you

and it makes me feel like something is wrong in my life

moving on

i don't seem to be a roadblock for you.

really? you're doing great.

you're popular, got your team and your boyfriends for you.

you don't need me.

but i can still wish you did

selfish

i'm sorry i'm being so selfish,

calling you shallow,

acting like it's unfair to me.

really, it just hurts me

to see the girl i loved go

and to see her again as a different person

but it's not your fault.

we'd agreed to go our separate ways.

i just didn't know how rare you were

when i let you go.