Just a Game

Comtemptible Wretchedness

Alice // chapter one

T H E R E was a sense of unusual comfort that gripped me as I walked into my new school. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. I was supposed to be a nervous wreck. I wasn't supposed to find this normal at all.

But I did.

My father was an Army Warrant Officer, thus he had to move to a new station every three years or so. My mother and I followed suit, following him wherever he went. I'll admit, it was very upsetting at first for me. I was a very social kid and as cliché as this may sound, I loved all of my friends. Leaving them behind truly broke my heart every single time.

After losing so many friends, the pain became unbearable and I gave up on the whole process. There was no rational reason for me to make new friends if I was going to leave them in three years anyway. All it did was bring me tortuous agony that I couldn't dodge and didn't want it. No part of it was worth it. I had enough to worry about with my father's life being on the line. And as for my mother, well, there was nothing wrong with her, but I still worried about her wellbeing. Fearing that your husband, the father of your child, may never come home has to do some damage to one's stability. I feared that one day, she might snap. So, I worried. I worried about her. I worried about dad.

And I don't think I'm mentally capable of worrying about someone else if I were to make friends or even worse, find a lover.

A fatigue breath escaped me as I looked at my schedule again, locating the room number of my first hour.

I knew I'd walked straight into a freshmen hallway the moment I took a step inside because all I saw were freshmen. With their irreplaceable loudness, annoying laughter, irritating Axe smell and their signature move of stopping in the middle of the hallway to have pointless and endless conversations, they were always so easy to spot. I didn't want to judge them harshly just because I was a senior, but it was so easy to give into it.

Nonetheless, I made it out of the hallway and into the one I was aiming for. It was dimly lit, smelling of a sugary scent that could only mean that both of the classes were run by female teachers. In all my time in different school, I've never had male teachers who had their class let alone their hall smell good. They never smelt bad or anything, but they were never distinctive. They were just neutral.

As a couple of female students walked up the hall to wait for the closed doors to open, I pulled out my water bottle and took a large sip for no reason. I wasn't thirsty and I wasn't nervous either. I just didn't know what else to do to keep myself busy.

The girls were paying me no mind, though, giggling over their phones and gushing about some guy whose name I couldn't make out.

Sometimes, I wish I could just be one of those girls. Maybe having a boy as my biggest problem would help me relax and just take a deep of breath. According to my parents and everyone I have ever met, I was tense, way too tense for a teenager.

They didn't understand.

They didn't see how easily my father could be taken from me and quite frankly, they also don't see how that happening could take my mother away from me, too.

I was tense because every second my dad's not home, I fear of getting that call, that devastating call that could tear everything from underneath me. A call from a phone number I didn't recognize once scared me to the point of having a panic attack in the middle of a lunch room as a freshman.

I guess I was too paranoid, way more paranoid than most kids with parents in the military. But most of those kids had siblings, I only had my parents. I only had them and the fear of losing them had a large grip on my every being. It was something I could never shake off.

A throat being cleared pulled my attention from my dark thoughts and back to reality. I quickly turned, pushing my water bottle back into the pocket of my bag.

"Can I help you?" I asked, looking at the girl in front of me, who I assumed was responsible for the earlier noise. She stood a bit shorter than me and was dressed in a sundress complimented by a beautiful sheer, black cardigan. Her golden brown hair flowed beautifully in large curls. Her make-up looked so well done; I had to take a moment to consider if she had it done professionally.

She smiled. It was a bitter smile, the kind that makes your stomach twist in knots that you can't undo for hours. "How about moving away from the water fountain?"

My lips separated in pure shock. I've never had someone speak in such an entitled tone to me. Did she really expect me to bow down to her rudely expressed order? I couldn't help the astounded scoff that left me. "Am I missing some unspoken rule here, because I'm confused? How do you expect me to move when you order me to do so?"

Her smile stood unaltered, a level of confidence I've never witnessed radiating from her as she took a threatening step forward. "I expect you to understand that people follow my words closely here. What I say goes with the student body."

I didn't think it was possible for me to be even more surprised. Nonetheless, I stood corrected. I think I actually felt my heart drop as I stood there amazed at how she denominated herself as if the school had an election to elect her as their 'Queen'. Even more than anything else, I was beyond confused. We're in high school in the 21st century, not in England during the 1500s. "This isn't the UK and even then, we're not in the monarchy days. What makes you think you have the power and right to 'rule' the student body?"

"I'm the Student President," she sighed complacently, already seeming bored with the conversation.

"And how exactly does that equate to you being treated like a Queen?"

She took her time bringing her long hair to one side. "It just does."

My lips parted to reply, but a deeper voice than I expected stepped in. "Look, can you just move, please?"

My eyes caught his green ones before anything else. I almost felt like I needed to take a step back because his eyes were so calm, so unlike the cruelty of his tone. He stood a good half a foot taller than the girl, wrapping his arm around her shoulder in a comforting manner.

"I'm not just going to move because someone thinks they belong on a nonexistent throne," I argued, crossing my arms as he challenged me with his eyes. They were so fierce in their fight to bring my will down, but I wasn't one to give up. I pushed back as much as he gave.

"Just give it a rest, Tanya is not trying to start anything," he went on to explain, a voice of annoyance underlying his words as he regarded me.

We didn't really have much of an audience besides the few girls that I'm guessing followed Tanya around everywhere.

I'm sorry, but am I the only one who finds this whole situation odd and absolutely absurd? We're almost eighteen and they're acting like we're having a tea party with the Queen.

Nevertheless, the doors had opened by now and a few people were walking into both classes. It couldn't be any more convenient because I was beyond ready to be done with this ridiculous yet oddly amusing conversation. What a bunch of entitled jerks.

"Of course not. Queens don't start anything, they inherit their shittiness," I stopped short, feigning a formal gasp. "I'm sorry about that foul word, darlings. They inherit their contemptible wretchedness."

Both their eyes widened and a crowd of gasps rang in the hall. "Excuse me?" Tanya sharply hissed, definitely offended by my choice of words.

I couldn't help the proud smile that stretched my lips. "What's wrong? I thought you'd like my intently chosen formal words. You are a queen, are you not?"

"Do not challenge me," she bit out.

"Should've thought about that before you challenged me," I simply shrugged, before turning away and walking into class before I could say more than necessary. Besides, I didn't want to be late on my first day. Who knows what the punishment for being late was here? God knows they've already proven themselves to be crazy enough.