Beetlejuice Script: DC Run

SCENE FOUR

The front door SLAMS open. A HAND juts in holding a TRIANGLE. DING!

Enter DELIA SCHLIMMER, late 30s: Her batty, daffy self-help confidence masks a total haplessness lurking just a few shallow mantras beneath the surface. Everything she says sounds like an affirmation.

DELIA
(dinging her triangle)

Mmmmm! Yes! There's very good energy in here, Charles. VERY good energy.

(Following her in is CHARLES DEETZ, late 40s, the tightly-wound, highly compartmentalized captain of industry square we saw at the funeral in the opening number--)

CHARLES

Not bad, huh? They sure don't make em like they used to. Classic Victorian. Great bones. Great bones!                    

(re: the Maitlands decor)

Can you believe the previous owners filled it with such trash? Look at this stuff! It's like a home for feral cats.

DELIA

Well don't you worry. I am gonna feng shui the living SHIT out of this place.

(She DINGS her triangle a few more times.)

CHARLES

Good! We only have a few days to transform this horse dumpster into the flagship model-home of my newest gated community. What do you think of this slogan: "Rural Retreats for Urban Elites"?

DELIA

I love it. It sounds like a song.

(making up a bad jingle)

"Rural Retreats for Urban Elites. . . by Charles Deetz!"

CHARLES

My god, Delia. Did you just make that up?

(She nods proudly.)

CHARLES (cont'd)

It's brilliant. Now we just have to convince Maxie Dean. I get him on board, the investments will pour in.

(then, pensive)

He's my white whale. . .

DELIA

I don't see race.

(then)

But Charles, you're under so much stress, you must relax. Remember what my Guru Otho says-- "Every success begins with Sucks. . . but ends with. . Yes."

(then, almost a sneeze:)

"SucksYes!"

CHARLES

Mmm.

(Beat. They both nod at this profundity. Then - they IMPULSIVELY EMBRACE, horny teenagers making out when the adult aren't looking.)