Beetlejuice Script: DC Run

SCENE TWO

MUSIC IN. The front door opens. ADAM MAITLAND - a sweet, flannel-clad dweeb enters. He can't see Beetlejuice.

ADAM

Barbara?! I'm home!

BEETLEJUICE

Adam and Barbara Maitland. I should warn ya-- They are incredibly boring.

ADAM
(calling off, excited)

I got the last bottle of Manchurian Tung Oil!

BEETLEJUICE

See?

ADAM

And I found an old penny!

BEETLEJUICE

I am so sorry you have to watch this. I promise they'll be useful. Soon as they're dead.

(Adam pulls a dropcloth off an ANTIQUE CRIB he's been restoring.)

ADAM
(to crib, re: the oil)

Hey old girl, I brought you a present.

BEETLEJUICE

I gotta take a dump.

(He heads off. Adam sets to work with the oil and sings--)

ADAM

LOOK AT THIS CRIB
WITH ALL OF ITS GLORIOUS ANTIQUERY
EVERY CURVE AND SURFACE SPEAKS TO ME
SAYIN' "PAMPER AND SPOIL ME!
SAND ME AND OIL ME!
COME ON!"

I KNOW TO THE UNTRAINED EVE IT'S BORING
BUT NOTHING'S A CHORE WHEN YOU'RE RESTORING
APART FROM FRUSTRATION, PAIN,
AND FINANCIAL DRAIN - IT'S FUN!

FOLKS SAY "ADAM. . .
WHY DO YOU POLISH A CRIB
WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A KID -
AND EVEN IF YOU DID HAVE A KID
THIS CRIB IS TOO PRECIOUS FOR PLACING A BABY INSIDE IT
SO IT SIMPLY EXISTS TO REMIND YOU
YOUR SENSE OF PERFECTION IS JUST A REFLECTION
THAT YOU ARE NOT MENTALLY PREPARED TO MAKE ROOM FOR A KID -
ADAM. . .
WHY DON'T YOU LIVE, ADAM?
JUST MAKE A START!"
WELL I SAY SOMETIME'S ART'S JUST ART

(to the crib)

The O'Briens are gonna love you!

(calling to the kitchen)

Hey Hon! What's for lunch?

BARBARA (O.S.)
(calling back)

Salad!

(Lights up on the KITCHEN as BARBARA MAITLAND - a sweet, young-mother type with a feisty streak - entering from the backyard with an apron full of dirt-caked carrots.)

BARBARA (cont'd)
(to the carrots)

Hear that? You get to be salad.
LOOK AT THESE CARROTS!
AREN'T THEY SO ORANGE, CUTE AND CUDDLY?
I GET THE SENSE THEY REALLY LOVE ME
AND I LOVE YOU TOO
AND I DO!
OK, TIME FOR YOUR BATH!