Why Does it Matter?

Chapter 15: Boiling Point

I'm never an apostle of the norms that our country had. Hindi ako ung tipong sumusunod sa cultural standards ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Those set of beliefs that they consider a taboo and those they only qualified as the good deed. Dati wala akong pakialam doon because it doesn't affect me. But now? I know why a lot of people voice out their identities even if it cost a lot, iba ung sarap ng freedom kapag alam mong wala ng pipigil sayo sa kung ano ka. The freedom to be the real you.

And Ven along the way? I discover a part of myself that is human, I have never been this happy, the months that I had with her are my most joyous days in my whole life span, and no chemical reaction nor equation, laws or principles will ever justify how contented I am with her.

Ayokong i-label ang sarili ko as lesbian or bi or whatever. I just want to be a full human, accepted by the people around me. Iyon lang. I don't need the title because it will not define me anyway on who am I as a person. I just want to be accepted. Accepted with her.

"Here, baby let me help you." She lowly said kaya naman ay umupo ako patalikod sa kanya as she unzips my dress. Tahimik lamang akong dinadama ang bawat haplos ng daliri niya sa likod ko. When I know that she totally unzipped my dress, muli akong humarap sa kanya as she slowly removes my arms on the sleeves of the dress. Tuluyan na niyang nataggal ang dress and I'm almost naked in front of her, the only clothing left on me is my thigh spandex shorts and panty. Pero wala man lang siyang reaksyon, hindi dahil sa nasanay na niya pero dahil hindi iyon ang nasa isip niya ngayon, she's preoccupied on putting me her softest oversized shirt, it's length is in my mid-thigh already.

Nang maisuot niya na sa akin ang t-shirt ay agad niyang binuklat ang comforter ng kama niya, she motions me to lay there na agad ko naman tinalima. She also changed her clothes into something comfortable before occupying the space beside me. Agad niya akong inilapit sa kanya, ginawa kong unan ang isang braso niya while her other arms are wrap around me already. Even her thigh is on top of mine, damang-dama ko ang init niya kahit pa malamig naman na sa kwarto niya.

"Rest, Yanna." She huskily said habang tinititigan ako. Her deep set of brown eyes are really beautiful in the dark, lalo na kapag malapitan. I couldn't fathom how beautiful she is and how blessed I am to be loved by a woman like her. And I'm such a curse to her because I couldn't give her the only thing she as me to do. Be brave.

"I'm sorry." Makahulugan kong bulong habang nakatitig sa mga mata niya, marahan naman siyang bumuntong hininga bago umiiling sa akin.

"You don't need to." She softly whispers bago ako dampian ng halik sa labi. Gusto ko na namang maiyak dahil sa sinabi niya. Kinagat ko ang pam-ibabang labi ko habang tinitignan siyang ilapit pa ako sa kanya.

"Please, rest first Yanna. Don't make a decision when you're in pain. I'll mend you." Mahinang sabi niya bago ako ipwinesto sa leeg niya. Gusto ko mang makipagtalo sa kanya at mag-sorry ng paulit-ulit. Hindi ko na nagawa dahil ang makulong lang sa mga yakap niya ay napapanatag na ako.

"I love you Ven, always remember that I do."

"I love you too Yanna, please stabilize yourself for us."

"Punyeta!" Annica is in hysteria habang nakatingin sa phone niya. Para akong pinipilipit while looking at the both of them, kakauwi ko lang galing sa unit ni Ven when both of them call Ven if they can borrow me for a moment, at oo may number sila ni Ven, hindi ko alam paano nila nakuha iyon but they have!

"He's just too much!" Sigaw naman ulit ni Annica habang pinapakalma siya ni Monique.

They both look at me and I'm just horrified how Caleb can go this low, ni hindi ko na naiintindihan kung anong gusto niyang ipunto. There's this video of him again, and it's worse than I can imagine, he's in a bar at nagwawala siya! Literal na kinakalat niya ang kawalang-hiyaan niya, he's there on the floor, he looks morbid dahil sa sobrang kalasingan ang all he was uttering is my name! My precious name!