"NO I'M NOT LEAVING HERE WITHOUT ZAYN ,LEAVE ME ALONE- "
I shouted trying to break free from the fireman's hold on me.
All I saw everywhere was red pure red ,fire everywhere ,people screaming and shouting for me to get out before the whole building collapses and I die,
I looked around me and everything has freezed no sound no movements ,suddenly a giant brick fell right between me and the fireman making the scene comes back to life again and I was stuck inside the building with Zayn I took this is a chance to get him out-
"Aishaaaa wake upppp!"
I woke up screaming, sweating,crying and the worst thing about these nightmares that sometimes the pain is too much to handle so I made a run to the bathroom and threw up for what seems like 10 minutes.
"Don't you think it's enough?Don't you think you have to see Dr Suzan again?" Mom said with anger and stress clear in her voice.
"Momma I told you 100 times I don't need- " I didn't get to complete my sentence and she started yelling
"BULLSHIT ALL YOU SAY IS BULLSHIT,I HAD ENOUGH OF YOU WAKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SCREAMING CRYING SWEATING LIKE U RAN A FREAKING MARATHON AND NOW YOU'RE BACK TO THROWING UP ,don't do it for you ,do it for me baby please I'm begging y-"
I hugged her tight and felt her arms around me pressing me to her chest,I felt comfort and relief washing over me and started sobbing like a child.
"Momma listen,I went to not 1 but 3 psychiatrist ,all of them were in vain,I haven't felt worse ,they press they press until I can't even breathe until I can't even say one understandable word" she looked at me with sad eyes and I could hear her heart racing like a cheetah just like mine.
I hate the fact that even if the closest people around me doesn't see what i see but they suffer just as much,this is when i decided to not get closer to anyone else than my family members .
Also t's not always that bad unless it's-
Omg it's 16/05 ,I took a shower real quick prayed,put fresh decent clothes on .
"Bye momma ,bye Baba "I waved
Dad interrupted me with staright face "It's assalamu alaykom "
"Haha you know the vibes " I winked.
"Where you going habibti "Mom asked
I stared a head of me and smiled at her ,dad nudged her secretly and she made the O expression and smiled sadly at me .
"Stay safe baby"she said
"I will assalamu alaykoooom byeee"
I ignored my dad's stares and went to pick my bike ,put relaxing songs on my I pod then started my long/short travel,It's a 20 minutes travel with bike.
Riding my bike ,I couldn't think of anyone else but the guy who saved my life for 100 times ,couldn't think of anything but his smile,his laugh,his sense of humour,his cologne probably his dad's haha,how he protected me like any brother would,for me he was more than just a friend something much much bigger.
*FLASHBACK*
After blowing my 11 bday's candles,I invited everyone to my bday party even my brother's friends who some of them are my friends too
"Youssef stop trolling me you know I hate it when you do" I asked my brother who was making a scene in front of his friends tryna act cool seeking for attention,man boys these days.
"Look at you with those puppy eyes more like piggy eyes HAHAHAHAHA "he said ,making all his friends laugh at me
I was fighting tears that wanted so bad to fall ,that isn't my caring lovely brother,my brother wouldn't do that to me,then I looked around me through tears I found everyone laughing and even tearing up ,idiots.
Except for one person, he looked me in the eye with straight expression and nodded towards me ,Zayn I said to myself and I broke eye contact and let the tears fall STUPID ME I DON'T CRY INFRONT OF ANYONE, I ran away with all my might ,I ran away till last breath ,made it to the beach since my bday was at the beach house.
It was already dark but I couldn't help but be alone I wanted to be alone .I walked deeper and deeper in the water until I couldn't stand and there was a few inches between my toes and the sand underneath,I can feel the water pulling me deeper deeper towards the horizon .
I felt relaxed until I remembered Idk how to swim ,stress and panic lingered allover my whole body I started screaming ,suffocating,my body after a while got tired and went limp,I couldn't try anymore,I thought to myself that is the end I hope my brother is happy now of what he did,he's gonna miss me forever,I couldn't help but feel bad for him and how he'll live in regret his whole life,what about mama and baba .
