Insensitive

'The Pitfalls To Being An Inbetween'/3rd day of Discard & Journal Day 3/5-2013

Asia's Only Time Will Tell.

It is in remembering instances like these, I need to pause, breathe, then take several more deep breaths, and thank Duran for NOT continuing the charade; and by breaking up with me at this time in our lives.

Still, there were days I was stuck, feeling like I was In-between things. 

Being the realist that I am, I feel I dodged a scary bullet.

That older woman could have become me one day, [although I swear, even now in my 60's I refuse to let myself go like that!]  

Perhaps, I can look at this whole mess as my, 'WAKE THE F U C K UPPP ALREADY! Call?'

In hindsight, I was given the chance of a lifetime- And I had been waiting a lifetime for a man like Duran ever since I was a little girl. 

To me, he not only checked off all of my boxes, he was bits and pieces of ALL of the Disney Prince's rolled into one.

It took forever for it to happen, but it finally did. 

All of those lonely nights,  every time my heart got broken; you could find me, standing by my bedroom window sill; wishing and praying on full Moons, & Falling Stars for someone like him-  

His sharp, intelligent mind, his playful laughter; his sarcasm, his  handsome looks, and sparkly neon Blue-Celestial Blue eyes & sexy physique, all of him. 

And, even though I already knew, 

and had been given SO many warnings through many different mediums, *as in instances, not actual people who were readers*  

It was SO twisted of me; to stubbornly want him, even more; SO badly, sometimes it hurt to breathe. . .

I soon found myself, looking for ways to over look the real danger that he was to me mentally, emotionally and physically. Especially that, and in just recalling what he had done to my car, as well as his own? 

THAT threat, of HOW VIOLENT he could easily become physically, IF I were to over step my bounds, was the scariest one, of all.

 And, he was not only highly Artistic, he was skillful in other areas too. We both shared a love of the Martial Arts as well.   

Through all of it; his Pro's and his Con's (pun intended) just made me even MORE determined, to stubbornly wait this all out. 'Cause I really thought,

'Perhaps he would eventually change his mind? 

Or realize I am a good person; and I wouldn't hurt him like the others had. But, I knew it was dumb to keep wishing for what would never become mine; and I was only Foolin' myself.

Yep, and as I continued to linger in these feelings, and those thoughts that were NOT good for me to  do. . .It seemed as if, I still could not see the Forrest, for the Tree's. 

~*~  ~*~   ~*~

Song: Linger (Album Version)

Artist: The Cranberries

WRITERS: Dolores O'Riordan, Noel Hogan

UMG (on behalf of EMI Recorded Music Australia Pty Ltd); UNIAO BRASILEIRA DE EDITORAS DE MUSICA - UBEM, UMPG Publishing, LatinAutor - Warner Chappell, Warner Chappell, PEDL, LatinAutor, BMI - Broadcast Music Inc., Wixen Music Publishing, Inc., CMRRA, and 17 Music Rights Societies

Same Song: a different version from a different POV...A Cover of this song, by YUNGBLUD

To be continued in:

'Wash Rinse, Repeat'/Discard & Journal Day 4/5-2013