Insensitive

'The Pitfalls To Being An Inbetween'/3rd day of Discard & Journal Day 3/5-2013

Literally having the BALLS to be all, confused, even cutely quizzical, at just WHY the 'other person' (meaning me) just can't seem to get a CLUE, to the simple fact, "we're through."

"GOD!" I blast myself, feeling all shades and sizes a FOOL! As I mentally lament to myself, 

'I MUST LOOK SO Pathetic to him right now!' 

And there are SO many thoughts swirling. . .'Hints, eh?' And then? A cold chill runs down my spine, as I realize, 'I had already been given a HUGE HINT back on Valentines Day this year; and it had been a TRUE Celestial warning about ALL of this I was currently going through.

February-13th-2013

Although it had been very busy, and I had even worked a full shift, then a double the day before the Holiday, but as I slowly recall the night of 'pre' 'V' Day, and how I had felt a chill, similar to the one I just now had, as I had rung up a harried looking older woman. 

She'd been crying. 

Pushing a tissue box toward her trembling fingertips, as I'd asked her if she was okay, she tearily and wearily had blurted,  "WOULD YOU be OKAY, IF YOUR Boyfriend broke up with YOU before Valentine's Day?!"  

I remember not knowing what to say, or to do to comfort her, as she had looked SO pitiful; and SO scary sad too. 

And I had felt my heart hitting my tennis shoe'd toes  as a cold feeling swept over me, and I thought, 'Sure, he can be an ass, but still? Nah, Duran, he would NEVER do this to me! He couldn't be THAT cruel.' 

And, I don't even know what had come over me to actually tell him about it all, and ON our second Valentine's Day; but after I did? 

*He quickly had ducked his head, then ran his hand nervously up and down the back of his neck* as he had replied, "Man Tee, that sucks! Poor lady." before quickly changing the subject to 'Pesto,' the main base he had used in our pasta meal.

In 2012, on our first Valentine's Day dinner, he had made the meal, and had introduced me to the wonders of Pesto. 

Also, he had told me, he'd always wanted to re create the adorable spaghetti scene in Lady & the Tramp, so we did, and from then on, it had been our 'thing' on Valentine's Day. 

Unfortunately, as I remember watching the following two 'Body Language' tells of a liar, or someone being 'caught' in an uncomfortable position, it became a 'grounding truth point.' 

Duran's first body cue and clue had been *to duck his head *as if hiding something, then to *run his hand nervously down the back of his neck* as to what he was feeling was the shown 'tell' of avoidance.  He was becoming very uncomfortable- 

The subject we were discussing *had him showing he was feeling and or was guilty of hiding something, *hence the ducking of his head first.*

Also, I remembered, *his face and throat suddenly going beet red, as he struggled to quickly change the subject.*

And, in a moment of pure clarity, I knew. 

I fully knew, although he had been telling the truth earlier, that he had been lying, all along! 

The moment the thought had taken form, EVERYTHING, SUDDENLY came slamming together, so fast so hard, I had to catch my breath as a song from my past came flying out of my hippocampus, to perfectly land on the permanent turntable in my mind, that was somehow connected to my heart, and soul and spirit.