Sleepwalking // xBayani [ON HOLD]

xix

I sat around my room for a bit, waiting for a video call from Will to pop up on my computer. It was just before seven, and I was expecting it any minute. He said he'd call when he got home. I think his parents needed time with him. I can give him a break, then.

Eventually, it rang, and I answered quickly when I saw his username appear. His face appeared on the screen. "Hey," his microphone gave off. I let a small smile crease my lips, then leave them.

"You know nothing of what happened today." I say to him.

"Well, I was on a plane, so yeah, I guess so."

I pause for a moment, then continue, "Karissa killed herself, Will."

He stared at me blankly, and I turned my head away. It hurt to say it. It hurt so badly. But slowly, but surely, I had to tell everyone what had happened.

"Oh my..." Will starts, "Jordan, I'm... I'm so sorry."

"Honestly Will, I could care less about sympathy. I really just-" I stop myself and breathe, "I really just want my sister back."

He sighs and someone else joins. Weston.

"Hey guys," he says, "What's up?"

"Nothing really, Trevor left a couple hours ago, he should be on before... 10, my time." I lie. Weston nods.

"Okay. What'cha want to talk about?" Weston asks us.

I stare at him, then Will, and say, "Do you guys just want to play some games? Counterstrike or Minecraft or something?"

Weston nods, so does Will, and we just play video games for a few hours until Trevor gets online. He greets us with a, "Hey!" when he joins. We "Hey," him back, and continue playing, and he asks what we're doing. I checked the clock, it was 9:46.

"Um, I think I need to bring something u-" I start to say, when my phone rings. I pull it out of my pocket. It was a number I didn't recognize. I mute my microphone, answer the call, and say, "Hello, this is Jordan."

"Uh, hello, Mr. Daski?" The light voice asks me. It was a female.

"Yeah?"

"We wanted to inform you of your mother's current condition. She seems to be showing signs of depression." She tells me. There's a silence for a couple of seconds, "as well as breast cancer."

I blink. The thought crosses my mind again. "As well as breast cancer."

It echoes in my mind. My mother has cancer. Breast cancer, at that.

"Uhm, um. Thank you." I tell them.

"Of course. She's in the north wing, room 427 when you come. Visiting hours start tomorrow for you, 10 AM to 3 PM. Thank you, Mr. Daski."

"Okay. Goodbye." My voice shakes. I hang up the phone and unmute my microphone. Everyone was silent.

"Uh, hi." I say.

"What was that about, Jordan?" Weston asks me.

I wait a moment to accumulate my thoughts before I say, "Trevor... why do you not care?"

"What are you talki-"

"You know very well what I'm talking about. Why don't you care that Karissa is dead?"

He stares through the screen, speechless. His mouth was slightly open, and he left the call.

Weston looked concerned. I didn't even tell him. But Will knew, and he cared. And Trevor knew. But didn't care.

I left the call a moment later, and just laid on my bed.

I didn't sleep. At all.

I got up from my bed at 9 AM, and went into Karissa's room. The blood stained the carpet, as well as her bed sheets. I avoid the pool of blood and make my way to pull off the bedspread. I throw it toward the door once I get it off, and pull her mattress up. I flip it over, searching for anything she could have been keeping secret. I wanted to know what made her kill herself.

There's a cut near the bottom of the mattress, and I slip my fingertips in. I find a book, and pull it out. It's a notebook, but one that had leather on the outside, and an elastic strand that held it closed. I pulled the strand off carefully, and read the first page.

"Karissa's Diary. If you dare read, you've wished death upon yourself."

Okay then, classic girl privacy. I need to find out what was wrong with her. Why she did this to herself.

I flipped through a few pages, some sappy stuff written around July, early August. I read a couple pages silently, and came to find out that she had a crush on Will. I wonder if Will liked her back?

That was a weird thought.

I kept flipping through the pages before I found an entry in late August, dated the 30th, that said, "I want to die.

"I just want to die. There's nothing more to it. I feel like there's this gaping hole inside of me that's eating me alive, and I don't know where it came from.
"I'm going to attempt tonight. Hopefully I'll succeed."

That was the end of the page.

I put the book back in her mattress instead of reading more. That was all I needed to know. She felt empty, lonely, like she was drowning. Just like I had.